Divination Dream Diaries
by usmccanthem
Summary: Harry and Ron have to fill out diaries of their dreams for Divination, but knowing that their Professor likes to proclaim their deaths they decide to have a little fun with the assignment. What will they write? Well, you'll have to read to find out! No pairings! Rated T for language.
1. September 2nd to 7th

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter._

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**A/N:**

This is an idea that has been floating around my head for a little while when I read a fiction that noted that the dream diaries are like creative writing. So I decided to just give a go and see where it goes from there. It won't be a serious fic by any means and also won't have regular updating due to the fact that I'm working on another fic at the moment (which I'm more serious about).

I may switch between Ron and Harry's diaries, but I'm not currently sure.

Have fun and review please,

USMCcAnthem

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**Chapter 1:**

_Sept 2__nd__, 1995_

I died last night. Not for real, in my dreams I mean. It was quite a pleasant way to go. My dream detailed that I died during a particularly spectacular round of cleaning my pipes. I'm guessing that my heart gave out or something. It would've been more impressive if someone had given me hand, a girl someone…

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 3__rd__, 1995_

Last night wasn't quite what I expected. I'd gone to bed as usual, but when I went to sleep my mind made up quite the scenario. Apparently I lived alone in a mansion. I happened to be quite the hermit, with only my house elf Wanky (I wonder why I had an elf named this) and a great number of cats. It is notable to mention that I'm not that fond of cats…

Anyway, I was an older man, though I still had a nice full head of hair, and was sipping on a glass of firewhiskey that Wanky had gotten for me while petting one of my cats, Gallant. This went on for quite a while, with some other cats joining in before they all mauled me.

Yes I, the boy-who-lived, was mauled by cats in my dream. Of course, my dream self was quite perplexed and tried to remove them from my person. During all this Wanky asked if "Mr. Harry Potter sir" wanted some more cats to join me. But it all was for not, and the dream ended. I can gather from what happened that my dream self was suffocated by the cats, and Wanky had probably caused my death.

Poor me…

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 4__th__, 1995_

Did you know that it is possible to die by paperwork? No? Well you do know. Now how does this pertain to my dream? Well, this time I was sitting at a large desk filling out a piece of paperwork. I was quite pleased with myself when I had finished it, but suddenly a very attractive woman came in and placed a huge stack of papers on my desk. The nerve of her, I know. She then taunted me with her short skirt before leaving, honestly, leaving me there with all that work and expecting me to pay attention. Women…

Anyhow this scene played over and over until the unfinished pile of paperwork began to teeter over and collapsed upon my poor overworked body. I'm pretty sure I wasn't getting up from that.

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 5__th__, 1995_

I believe that I should avoid anything toad like for the next year. My dream last night definitely showed me being in excruciating pain while a toad hopped around laughing croakily at my misfortune. I did manage to drive through my pain and watch it drown in a swamp before a horse stomped on it.

It didn't die unfortunately, but I did manage to survive my dream that time, so I'm quite happy with the whole thing.

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 6__th__, 1995_

Quidditch tryouts were yesterday, so I obviously had them on the brain when I went to sleep that night, or I wouldn't have dreamed what I did. I had been flying around the pitch, minding my own business when BAM! A fuzzy purple unicorn with bat wings appeared right in front of me. It then proceeded to tell me that it was going to beat me to the Seeker spot (me, the first student to be on a team in their first year in a century?). In disbelieve, I humoured the fuzzy purple unicorn with bat wings to challenge me for the position.

It won.

How it did so without hands is a mystery.

It then proceeded to kick me in the head when doing a victory dance.

Did I mention that we were fifty feet in the air?

No?

Well we were, and it looks like I no longer have to worry about getting into detentions during tryouts ever again.

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 7__th__, 1995_

I think that Grims are misunderstood creatures. Siriusly (scratched out) Seriously, I mean I was saved by one in my dream. I was walking around; stumbling drunkenly (did I mention I was drunk?) as I made my way through a muggle neighbourhood. In my drunkenness I had thrown my wand arm out to the street, summoning the knight bus. I was almost run over! Siriusly (scratched out) Seriously! But before I could be flattened by bus, a Grim appeared and knocked me out of the way. It saved my life!

I'm thinking of buying a Grim stuffy and carrying it around with me in the case that it does accidentally save my life one day.

_Harry Potter_

_DDD_

"Hey Harry, are you having any luck with these stupid Dream diaries?" Ron asked as he scowled at the diary laid in front of him. "I've drowned three times already."

"Honestly Ron," Hermione's bossy voice cut across him as she shot him a reproachful look. "Can't you take your homework seriously, even if it is Divination."

"Yeah Ron," Harry said cheerfully, ignoring the glare that Ron gave him. "I'm taking my homework seriously and have yet to drown once. Pretty impressive if I do say so myself."

Hermione took a look at his diary and coughed with a blush on her face after the first entry. "Dying while you cleaned… the pipes, Harry." She said shocked and disappointed.

Harry shook his head at her, while Ron laughed in the background. "Hermione, just how do you know I didn't dream that? Besides I'm pretty sure that could happen."

Hermione just sighed and decided that she best get back to her own work while Harry continued to write fake entries. After a moment Ron piped up, "Hey Harry, do you think you could help me think up some good ones?"

Harry couldn't help but laugh as Hermione's scandalized yell of "Ron!" echoed through the common room.

Just another day for Harry Potter.


	2. September 8th to 14th

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or he would've been a hormonal teenager!_

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**Chapter 2:**

_Sept 8__th__, 1995_

Does having a Grim in your dreams mean you're going to die? This is the second night that it happened. I'm pretty sure that if I got a Grim plushie that it wouldn't happen again.

This dream was different, the Grim turned pink and giggled at me. I was disturbed and left it. I'm pretty sure that if I hadn't then I wouldn't have tripped on my shoelace and cracked my head on the rock.

Thanks for warning me away from them.

I died.

Really, thanks.

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 9__th__, 1995_

What does it mean when you dream that someone drugged your coffee which caused you to become impaired? Because I dreamed that I had my morning coffee (it tasted off) and then proceeded to follow Malfoy around for the next week before having my wicked way with him in a broom closet. He was on the bottom in case anyone wondered…

Wait, I don't even drink coffee.

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 10__th__, 1995_

Last night I dreamt that I was in Care of Magical Creatures class, except instead of Hagrid teaching the class, I was. I showed everyone one the creatures that Lovegood talks about… snoraks? Snoracks? Crumple somethings? It doesn't matter what they're called. Anyway I was showing them to the class, everyone was listening with rapt attention, before the creature decided to maul me. However I with my quick thinking was able to get it off me.

Of course I then hear the laughter of the students. They had apparently not been listening to me but finding my face very interesting. I had clown make-up on my face and my shirt and trousers had vanished during my struggle with the snorak(?).

I'm pretty sure this shows that I'm not cut out for teaching.

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 11__th__, 1995_

Toads. Toads. Toads. Toads everywhere.

Run.

You won't come out alive.

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 12__th__, 1995_

The horror! The horror! I can barely write this out. I'm traumatized. I'll write what it was about though.

Umbridge.

Fudge (the person not the sweet).

Together.

Alone.

In the nu –

I'm sorry, I can't do it…

Mourn for my poor brain.

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 13__th__, 1995_

I dreamt of Voldemort. I dreamt of him and I laughed at him. Yup, I laughed at him. Wait, I forgot to tell you the best part. He was in a pink tutu and a plastic princess clown. He was dancing to swan lake while I laughed.

I forgot that he was a dark lord.

The AK to face wasn't appreciated.

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 14__th__, 1995_

Her hand crept down my front as her lips melded against mine. A moan surfaced from my lips as she brushed against the front of my trousers.

"Cho," I muttered against her lips which curved into a smile.

"Harry, oh Harry," She whispered as I went to kiss her neck. Her hand continued to move, unzipping my trousers. "Let me ride your broomstick Harry!" She cried to me.

I then woke up to find that Crookshanks had vomited on me.

Do you feel sorry for me?

_Harry Potter_

_DDD_

"Mr Potter would you mind reading out a entry from your journal for the class." Professor Trelawney as she walked back to the front of the room.

"But Professor, that's a strict violation of privacy. I don't wish to let anyone know of my dreams." Harry told the Professor in an affronted voice. "If you wanted dreams to analyse, I'm sure that Ron would love to volunteer."

Up until that point Ron had been nodding to everything Harry was saying, but stopped to yell an annoyed, "Harry!" when he realized he'd been had.

The rest of the class snickered.

"I'm sorry Mister Potter, but how about you read out your first one, yes?" Professor Trelawney insisted.

Ron snorted when he realized what Harry had to read.

"Alright Professor," Harry agreed, and the whole class leaned forward. They were waiting for him to discuss dreams of Voldemort or other grand delusions. However, they were all quite shocked when he read out his first diary entry before the class burst out into laughter.

"What a way to go, rubbing one off," Seamus Finnegan laughed. "Great one Harry," He congratulated the other boy, before he realized that he wasn't supposed to talk to him and clammed up. The rest of the class soon followed his example.

"What can you read out of that Professor?" Harry asked politely, but his face twitched to show he was hiding a smile.

Trelawney coughed, a blush spread across her face. "Well, uh, my boy…" She trailed off, looking into the distance. "You are obviously obsessed with death my boy. You'll probably die lonely as well…" She then called for Lavender to read from her journal.

Harry sighed in his seat as he listened to Lavender talk about her dreams of rabbits and rainbows. It always had to be depressing for him, didn't it?

Just another day in Divination.


	3. September 15th to 21st

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter._

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**Chapter 3:**

Harry had been quite upset since Trelawney had forced him to read his dream diary in front of their class. Even though the dreams were all falsified, he'd still felt quite angry over the whole thing. Thus Ron had noticed that his entries, when he let Ron read them, were becoming depressing in the way he died (the last one having been a suicide). Ron however didn't let the fact that his diary could be read by everyone and proceeded to make his entries as funny as possible; if only for his own sanity.

DDD

_Sept 15__th__, 1995_

I was at the Burrow, de gnoming the garden like always when the little bugger bit me. Enraged I threw it over the fence. Now, I had been bitten many times before, so I didn't worry. Of course when I started to hum like Loony (my neighbor), I was worried. I couldn't stop humming. I hummed and hummed until I couldn't hum anymore.

I died, nice ain't it?

_Ron Weasley_

_Sept 16__th__, 1995_

Nice dream last night.

Food danced.

It offered itself to me.

It smelled oh so good.

_Mmm..._

_Ron Weasley_

_Sept 17__th__, 1995_

My mum sent me a howler. I shouted that I hadn't done well enough in my OWLs and that she would make sure I never played Quidditch again.

Then the captain, Alicia, came up to me and apologized. She said that I hadn't got on the team due to talent, but cause I was Harry's mate. They didn't want to have to deal with my mum cause Fred and George would get in the middle.

I stormed away and went to get my broom from the cupboard.

I was then struck by lightning.

_Ron Weasley_

_Sept 18__th__, 1995_

Snape drowned me in my cauldron.

_Ron Weasley_

_Sept 19__th__, 1995_

Malfoy drowned me in my cauldron.

_Ron Weasley_

_Sept 20__th__, 1995_

Harry drowned me in a bathtub. I'm sure it was a joke.

_Ron Weasley_

_Sept 21__st__, 1995_

Hermione gave me homework and then drowned me in my cauldron.

_Ron Weasley_

DDD

"What's with this Ron?" Harry asked in a moment of non-broodiness. His green eyes shone with mirth as he read Ron's latest dream diary entries. "Why'd it change all of a sudden?"

"Oh," Ron blushed, his face turning a lovely shade of red that matched his hair. "Well, I forgot that I wasn't going to put my real dreams in here."

Harry blinked at the red head dumbly, "Wait so the first three entries are your actual dreams?"

Ron nodded which caused Harry to go into a coughing fit, trying to hide his laughter.

"Oh what is all the fuss about?" Hermione demands when Harry's coughs get particularly distracting.

Harry clears his throat as he collects himself. "Well, Ron put his actual dreams for the first three entries before he went back to putting fake ones." Harry took the diary off the table and offered it to Hermione. "Have a look for yourself; Ron doesn't mind do you Ron?" Harry asked the other boy.

"Yeah, sure, go ahead." Ron told the two absentmindedly as he took out _Quidditch for the_ _Ages_ from his bag.

Hermione spent a couple minutes reading the journal, her hand raised to her mouth to spot her giggles from sounding. "Oh my," she chocked. "Well Ron, I think you should spend a little more time working on this." Her voice sounded strained from holding in her laughter. "I don't appreciate having killed you in your dreams. I'm sure Harry feels the same way."

"Yeah," Harry added non-committal.

"Whatever," Ron rolled his eyes at the two. "I'm gonna go put my stuff upstairs. So you finish your homework the way you want to while I have fun." He then stalked off to the stairs, not looking back.

If he had he would've witnessed his two friends breaking into laughter. They continued to laugh even as Ron came back down the stairs and started a game of chess with Dean.

"We're horrible friends," Hermione said as she wiped a tear from the corner of her eye.

"Yes, we are," Harry agreed with her. "But Merlin that was just too funny not to laugh."

Just another day in the common room.


	4. September 22nd to 28th

_Disclaimer: My Harry has a sense of humor! And he knows what drugs are! So no, I don't own Harry Potter..._

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**Beware! There be cliches abound!**

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**Chapter 4:**

_Sept 22__nd__, 1995_

A female tabby cat was telling me to "transfigure this and that" while I sat in a class room full of junk. How it talked, I don't know, but it kept on telling me to work. Once I had transfigured a white block into a tea set, the tabby told me to drink the tea it conjured with its tail.

Things were kind of off after that, with the room tilting, things shrinking and changing colours like it was a charms class. The cat gave a wide grin and laughed in a deep male voice.

"Oh ho, Harry Potter, the-boy-with- too-many-hyphens." The now male sounding cat told me. "We'll have fun with you."

It then began to float in the air.

"Potter, Potty, Plotty, Potter." It sang in a surprising tenor. "Double rainbows, oh my god, double rainbows."

My vision shifted and suddenly there were two rainbows in the room.

"Drink the tea dear," the cat said, now quite female. "Drink up, drink up."

I did as it said, drinking the tea, but the room continued to tilt, to shift, and to dance. However, my vision started to gray and white spots appeared in my eyes. I couldn't breathe anymore. I was dying, dying, dead.

I woke up after that, breathing like I hadn't breathed in a while.

I'm not sure that I can look at Professor McGonagall the same again.

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 23__rd__, 1995_

My dream was especially weird last night.

I was in Diagon Alley (supposedly after fifth year), walking around with a rain cloud over my head. I was muttering "Paddy, it's all my fault Paddy." (I don't even know anyone called Paddy.) Anyhow, I continued to walk down the Alley before I stepped into Gringotts. The Goblins were acting weird, all nice and stuff. They told me that some rich relative of mine had died and that a will reading was about to happen.

I was so surprised that the rain cloud disappeared.

During the reading I found out that all my friends were being paid and that Dumbledore was stealing my money and setting me up to die. (Strange I know!) However the strangely helpful Goblins came to the rescue and gave me potions to fix the abuse (what abuse!) from my relatives. (I'm pretty sure I'm not abused…)

Then I found out that was the founders' heir, as in all of them, through blood. What the bloody hell?

I was then shaken awake by Ron by that time, but I wonder what the rest of the dream would include…

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 24__th__, 1995_

I sat in front of the class, at the teacher's desk.

"Now class," I said in a surprisingly high falsetto. "Please turn to page 24 and begin reading." I felt an evil smirk come over my face.

A hand raised, "Yes Miss Granger?" I asked in the sickly sweet voice. Inwardly I was confused, _why do I sound like that and why am I calling on Hermione?_

"Professor, I've already read this chapter." Hermione answered me.

"None of that Miss Granger," the sickly sweet voice said from my body. I reached stubby fingers to a short, fat wand in front of me. "Re-read it if you must."

"Yes, Professor Umbridge," she answered.

_Professor Umbridge? _I wondered and looked down at myself. _Stubby fingers, pink cardigan… AHHH!_

I jolted awake once I realized who I was.

Obviously I shouldn't teach anything if my subconscious is telling me I'll be like Umbridge.

Just saying.

You know.

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 25__th__, 1995_

Do I look like the reincarnation of Slytherin to you? Or a basilisk animagus? Apparently my subconscious thinks so. Also, it believes that I should be friends with Malfoy, who is apparently an abused little boy who follows his father to not get beaten.

Uh huh… I sooo believe that.

Peace out,

Salazar Slytherin

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 26__th__, 1995_

"Hey Sev, what's up?" I asked my best friend Severus.

"The ceiling you dolt," He responded drily, but a smile was on his face. "I wonder sometimes why I have such a Gryffindor like Slytherin as my best friend."

"Because you love me!" I chirped at him, fluttering my eyelashes.

He rolled his eyes at me and drawled, "Obviously."

"Wait a moment," I asked, my voice full of confusion. "Why are you fifteen?"

He frowned at me, "We're the same age, idiot. Now stop acting like Potter, Evans and get to work on your essay."

I twitched. "Potter, but I'm Potter."

"Stop it with the poor jokes," he told me, frowning severely and pushing his greasy hair out of his eyes. "You're an Evans, always have been, Hadrian."

"No, no, no, no…" I muttered, and woke up with a jolt still muttering.

I think I must be spending too much time with Snape.

I'm going to avoid detention with him.

No looking at him.

Ha! I have it… "_Obliviate!_"

I didn't dream he was my friend.

Nope, what are you talking about?

Such a weird thing for me to write down.

I don't remember…

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 27__th__, 1995_

"Ollie!" I called. _Oliver Wood,_ I wondered.

"Hey Harry, it's good to see you again." The burly man told me. "I'm glad to see you're taking Quidditch more seriously."

"Thanks Ollie," I told while wondering what he meant. "I'm really going to enjoy Quidditch camp this summer, beats going to the Dursley's anytime." Okay, so now I understand.

"I bet," he told me. "I'm working with the Keepers so you might see me around some, make sure you say hi, yeah?" He asked before he gave me a manly hug and walked off.

The dream then consisted of me going to camp, enjoying myself and showing my skill as a Seeker.

I wonder if they actually have Quidditch camps…

Can I go?

_Harry Potter_

_Sept 28__th__, 1995_

My homework pile grew and grew. I couldn't help but watch as it multiplied. I wanted to cry, but I was a Gryffindor, so I didn't.

I did run away when the homework animated itself.

I chased me through the castle. I ran to the kitchens, hoping for help from the house elves (Hermione didn't read that…), but it got me.

It tackled me down the stairs.

Bump, bump, bump.

CRASH!

It fell at the bottom and I was too dazed to do more than groan. It attacked me; it scratched my body and bit at my skull. It continued to ravage me until my brain was no more.

Obviously with this type of warning, I no longer need to do homework…

Please?

_Harry Potter_

DDD

"Doing your Divination homework?" Hermione asked with a sniff. She still disapproved of his decision to stay in the class when she had left, and the fact that he wrote tripe in his diary did nothing to change her opinion of the class.

"Yes," he told her with a smile. "Ron here finished his ages ago."

"Well, he obviously puts in the minimal effort." Hermione told him with a disapproving frown for the red head beside him. "Honestly, have I drowned you at all this week?" She asked him sarcastically.

Ron blinked his dazed expression that he had been wearing while doing his Potions work cleared. "Yeah, twice. Why'd you wanna know?" He asked her suspiciously. "I thought you didn't care for Divination."

"Um," Hermione uttered as she tried not to laugh at her friend. "I'm just making sure your doing your work properly Ron."

"Oh, alright." He said before he turned back to his Potions book.

The three were silent for a while as the common room continued to be its boisterous self. Eventually Ron looked up from his work, "Can I -?" He began to ask, but was interrupted by Hermione.

"No."

"But you don't even -."

"No Ron, do your homework."

"Please?" He begged. His blue eyes were wide and teary.

Hermione nearly broke down, but regained her resolution quickly. "No Ron and that's final."

"Fine," he huffed.

Neither noticed that Harry had spent the entire conversation with his hand shoved in his mouth to stop from laughing at the two's antics. Eventually he calmed himself enough to pull out his own Potions essay and work on it. Together the three worked, occasionally dodging an errant quill, or some wrapper.

It was just another Sunday evening in Gryffindor.


	5. Dream Interpretation 1

_Disclaimer: My attempts at buying Harry Potter have all failed... Alas I shall die in misery..._

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**Chapter 5:**

"Everyone please hand in your dream diaries to the front of the class." Professor Trelawney intoned. Once everyone had shuffled up to her tiny tea table and deposited a diary she continued. "I will be checking each one to make sure that you've written for each day, and will select a random date to analyse."

The class erupted into mutters.

"Yes, yes," Trelawney continued in her spacey tone, not even trying to get the classes attention. "I'm sure you will all appreciate my professional opinion on your dreams."

Lavender and Pavarti squealed in delight while the rest of the class groaned. However, before anything else could be said, Trelawney dismissed the class and everyone shuffled out, all conversing loudly

"I wonder what she'll get out of me drowning in my cauldron?" Ron asked as they began to walk down the stairs.

"Honestly, I'm afraid of what she will think of any of my false dreams." Harry told them, gaining the attention of others around him.

"You wrote false dreams?" Lavender asked, affronted.

Harry looked at her in surprise, "Yes, I did. You didn't? Well, it seemed like fun to do, even if it is only to rid the monotony of our other homework." The others gave agreeing mutters.

"His false dreams are pretty funny." Ron told the group of Gryffindors following them to Defense. "The one he read in class was one."

"Really?" The other Gryffindor boys asked.

Harry sniffed in mock outrage, "I'll have you know that it was completely real. And I'm pretty sure that could so happen."

Dean snorted from behind them, "I'm sure you dreamed that about as much as you could be nice to Umbridge."

"I can be nice to…" He began in outrage before he trailed off. "Um, well…"

"He got you there mate," Ron laughed as he clapped Harry on the shoulder. "Now let's head off for the Toads class before we're late. No need to get detention."

DDD

Two days later the group of fifth year students were once again exiting the North tower, now equipped with their dream diaries. All had a small slip of parchment (some bigger than others) that was the analysed version of their dreams.

"I'm afraid of reading it," Harry told Ron as they began to near the Gryffindor common room.

"I know what you mean mate," Ron said morosely, and a couple of the other Gryffindors agreed behind them.

"Hey I have a good idea," Lavender called from the back of the group. "How about we all read what she wrote about our dreams in the common room?"

"I like that idea," Pavarti agreed.

"I don't know…" Dean hedged just as Seamus threw in his agreement to the plan.

"Only if Harry reads his first," Ron bargained, throwing a smirk at his best mate. It was retribution for throwing him under the Knight Bus that one class.

Harry scowled at them, but eventually accepted as they entered the common room. The fifth years all gathered around the fire, taking the empty chairs quickly before turning to stare at the boy who lived.

"Alright," he said as he gathered his courage to open the diary. As he turned to the dream Trelawney had analysed he swore loudly. Ron looked over his shoulder and let out a guffaw when he saw which dream had been done.

"Merlin, that must be some dream to get reactions like that out of the two of you," a wide-eyed Seamus proclaimed. The other fifth year Gryffindors nodded in agreement.

"Heh, well she did my September twenty-second entry… Here let me read it to you." (Chapter Four) Once everyone had calmed down enough from their hysterical laughter, Harry took the piece of parchment and began to read. "Well, here's what she had to say…

"'_Your dream is quite enlightening of your person. It shows that you have a poor history with women, have too much pressure upon yourself and low self-esteem (Shown by the cat, teacher and constant change presented in your dream). You feel the need to run away from your responsibilities by becoming spiritually aware and disconnected from reality (Teapot, Rainbow). However you are unable to completely run away and turn to death as a way of release (suffocating).'_

"And I officially feel depressed." Harry finished as he placed the parchment back into the diary. He scratched the back of his left hand and couldn't help but wonder if any of that was true.

Harry was jolted from such thoughts when Dean blurted out, "But it's obvious he's on a trip."

The others broke into laughter.

"A wha'?" Ron asked, his brows furrowed in confusion, not understanding what is so funny.

"A drug trip Ron," Harry explained to his best friend. His cousin, Dudley, spent most of his time drunk or high during the summer and he had learned the slang used by Muggles. "It means that I was higher than an out of control broomstick."

"Oh," Ron dragged out the word to symbolize his understanding. "I gotcha."

"How about you go next Ron?" Lavender asked as she held her diary to her chest. Harry could tell that the rest of them were even more afraid of what they would find.

"Sure," Ron answered as he took out the battered diary. Flipping through the pages he quickly found the one he was looking for. "Ah, so she did September twenty-fourth for me. I wrote: 'Hermione drowned me in my cauldron in Potions class.' And Trelawney wrote:

"'_Your description of your dream is sorely lacking, and you need to improve on this. However I am able to find that you are being to become too involved into something that is over your head (Shown by you drowning). You also feel that you are not smart__, or literal, __enough and realizing this will cause you personal growth (Friend, Classroom).'_

"I do not want to be smarter!" Ron shouted in outrage. "Crazy old bat is pulling one over on me, trying to make me do better in school!" He angrily stuffed the parchment into the diary and slung his bag over his shoulder. As he stormed to the dormitories, all the fifth years heard him mutter, "If my mum can't trick me, then how do you think you can."

An awkward silence was left once Ron was fully upstairs.

Harry coughed, "Uh, how about you go Lavender?" He suggested, shifting in his seat when the others turned to look at him.

"Sure," She said as she opened her own diary. "Well the entry she chose was…"

Just another day as a Gryffindor.

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Dream interpretations from DreamMoods (google it if interested) and twisted to serve my own purpose.


	6. October 2nd to 9th

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Hetalia Axis Powers or What is Love, just saying..._

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_Oct 2__nd__, 1995_

In my dream I was sitting in my bedroom in Privet Drive waiting for my birthday to begin. As the clock hit midnight, a regal owl flew threw my open window. It lifted its leg to give me a letter with the Gringotts insignia on it. After opening it I found that it was a letter from my deceased mother. She told me rather disturbing news.

She said that James Potter wasn't my father. No, it was actually Tom Riddle aka Lord Voldemort. WTF? I decided, stupidly, to write my "true" father and ask for a meeting. After everything was set I went to a nearby café and waited for him.

As it turns out, the letter was fake.

It was trick to bring me out from the wards.

I was struck behind by an AK.

I didn't appreciate the panic I felt at the fact that Riddle was my "father".

I don't think I would look good without a nose.

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 3__rd__, 1995_

You know the saying: "If your friend told you to jump off a bridge, would you?" Yeah, apparently my mind thinks I would.

I was standing next to Hermione and Ron. We were all older, around seventeen, and looked tired and dirty.

"It's the only way," Hermione said to me in a solemn voice.

Ron clapped on the back, "I'm sorry mate."

I laughed in a brittle manor, "Not your fault." A tear rolled down my cheek, "It's Riddle who did this and you will be the ones who end it."

"Your death will cause the death of Riddle, Harry." Hermione told him in a manner that showed she was reassuring herself.

I smiled at my two best friends, "Goodbye." I said before I stepped out to free fall off the cliff with no broom to save me.

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 4__th__, 1995_

I DIED! AGAIN!

Yes, I was run over by a car last night, in my sleep!

It was somehow on the Hogwarts grounds and the guy driving it was sticking his head out the window yelling, "OUT OF THE WAY! OUT OF THE WAY!"

I, of course, tried to jump out of the way, but he was all, "NO! DON'T SWERVE CAR!"

And then BAM! I was hit by the bloody car.

…Do you even know what a car is?

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 5__th__, 1995_

"Naughty boy, Harry. You are such a naughty child," A high pitched voice told me.

I tried to move to see who it was, but I was bound to a wall! I wrenched my wrists, but they were held by shackles above me. "Mmmhhmm," I tried to speak, but the gag in my mouth stopped anything from coming out.

"Tsk tsk," the high pitched voice chided me. "No speaking for you mister, you broke the rules. And I now I have to punish you!" The voice cackled with the sound of a whip and I felt pain.

"This wouldn't have happened if you hadn't made that group," The high pitched voice cackled.

I woke up after that covered in sweat. I think it was my guilty conscience.

Wait, I mean…

…What group? I didn't make any group…

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 6__th__, 1995_

"Twinkle toes, I'm a little twinkle toes," I watched Malfoy sing. He was wearing a green spandex suit (shudders) and prancing around a dungeon classroom. "I can dance and prance and do whatever I like," Malfoy continued to sing.

I shuddered once more. I could see a sunset appearing behind him.*

I backed up slowly, closing the door behind me.

I didn't see that; I didn't see that.

It was so –

Wait, this isn't my diary…

Yeah, I'm just going to say that was a dream; if only for my sanity.

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 7__th__, 1995_

Siriusly (scratched out) Seriously, my dream was quite... stressful, yet satisfying. I was flying next to Hedwig on my broom, acting as security for her. She barked at me as a red spell came at us. Then we were flying and diving and manoeuvring in the air like I've never done before. Spells came at us from every direction.

I couldn't believe what was happening, who would want to attack my owl so much. Siriusly (scratched out) Seriously, they were going to way too much trouble. Eventually one spell hit Hedwig full on and she fell from the sky. I went after her, diving like she was the snitch and I was trying to win a tie game.

I caught her before she hit the ground, but I mowed over a large pink toad as we hit the ground. It croaked at me, but in my panic I shot a bludgeoning hex at it.

It exploded spectacularly.

If only that could happen in real life.

_Harry Potter _

_Oct 8__th__, 1995_

I was flying in the air, soaring high in the sky. Nothing could catch me, yet I could hear laughter following me. Turning back I could see Cho chasing me.

"You can't run forever Potter," She called after me, laughter in her voice.

"Just watch me Miss Chang," I shouted back to her. We chased each other for quite some time before we went back down to the ground.

"That was fun," Cho told me, her face flushed a pretty red.

"Yeah," I said breathlessly, entranced by her dark eyes.

She laughed a pretty laugh, "Such a charmer." She placed her arms around my neck. "Can you show me how much fun you had?" She asked, her voice husky.

I swallowed heavily, "Oh, I'm sure I can be bothered." My voice was as husky as hers before I swooped down to place a kiss on her soft lips.

However, before I could reach her, a snitch appeared between us. It made its way into my open mouth (which had opened in shock) and forced its way down my throat.

I chocked, trying to remove the stupid ball from me throat, but I was unable to do so before the dream ended.

What the hell?

Really?

My love life is obviously shot to hell…

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 9__th__, 1995_

Pacing.

Turning.

Worrying.

There is nowhere to run to.

I can't hide.

No waking up from my anxiety.

No way to escape.

So I pace.

Turn.

Worry.

_Harry Potter_

DDD

Harry sighed as he read over his entries, "My October 3rd entry just didn't turn out the way I planned."

"Hmm," Hermione mused as she took the diary from Harry. She gasped as she read the passage, "That's so sad Harry. You don't believe we would actually do that do you?"

"No, I don't Hermione, but it was supposed to be funny." Harry said tiredly, running a hand over his face.

"Oh, well, are you alright Harry?" She asked, instantly worried when he showed his fatigue.

"I'm fine," He responded instantly. "No really," He continued when he noticed the disbelief on her face. "I am fine, just very nervous about today's meeting."

"You sure?" She asked, biting her lip in concern.

"Oh leave him alone Hermione," Ron piped up. "You know he won't change his mind now."

"Yeah, you're right Ron," Hermione admitted before turning back to her homework.

They were quiet for a time after that.

DDD

_Oct 7__th__, 1995_

My dream told me that you should quit. No really. It said: "Tell Trelawney that she should quit her position as teacher. It will save everyone time, money and stress."

You said that I should listen to my dreams.

Are you listening?

_Ron Weasley_

_Oct 8__th__, 1995_

"Santarita metameda ringojonah titomarlin jackletoya janetmichael dumbledora the explora! Santarita metameda ringojonah titomarlin jackletoya janetmichael dumbledora the explora!" A voice chanted in my head.

"Soon they will know the true power of DARK MAGIC! HEHEHEHEHE!" The voice cackled evilly.

"Hello," Another voice said jovially. "Vhat are you doing here?"

"AH!" The first voice screamed in frustration. "I wasn't trying to summon you! Go away!"

"That is not very nice, da?" The second voice said darkly.

"He he, ah I have to go now!" The first voice said, panicking.**

I have no idea what my dream was about…

Very weird…

_Ron Weasley_

_Oct 9__th__, 1995_

'Did you see that? That was my funny face.'

'The sky is purple.'

'What's an elephant?'

'Disestablishmentarianism.'

'Mary had a little lamb and her name was Betty White.'

'What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't me… no more! Ba ba ba ba.***'

'I'm doing my homework, what are you doing?'

My mind was picking up pieces of conversation in the common room when I was asleep. Made for odd dreams.

_Ron Weasley_

DDD

"Come on," Hermione said as she put her books into her bag. "We'd better start leaving, or we'll be late."

"Yeah," Harry agreed, putting away his own things. "That'd make a bad impression."

"No kidding." Ron joked.

Later they would stand in front a group of people, ready to instruct them to defend themselves. They would begin a group against Umbridge and the Ministry. But now, they were nervous, afraid.

It was just another night for the Golden Trio.

* * *

* Spandex and sunset idea taken from Naruto.

** Taken from Hetalia Axis Powers, ep. 13

*** "What is Love" by Haddaway

* * *

**Review!**


	7. October 10th to 19th

_Disclaimer: _

_Me: I do not own Harry Potter or Hetalia. *sigh* I do own my laptop though, and it is very helpful... SOON I WILL TAKE OVER THE WORLD! MUAHAHAHA!_

_Mom: BE QUIET! SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!_

_Me: Well... maybe after I move out._

* * *

_Oct 10__th__, 1995_

"Die, die, die." I chanted as I stood over a fire. I cackled evilly as I watched the dancing flames. "Soon, soon you will all be dead and at my mercy."

"Um…" Ron said as he stared at me. He stood next to me as I looked into the dormitory heater. "Are you okay Harry?"

"What?" I asked sharply. "Of course I am; I am harvesting the power of DEATH! MUAHAHAHA!"

"Yeah, that's why I was wondering." He said slowly as he began to back away. "You know what? I'm just going to go now."

I didn't respond as I continued to watch the fire, but a spark jumped out at me. Fascinated, I reached for it. It grew as it touched my hand, spreading to cover my entire body. As this happened I laughed at the pain. "More, I want MORE!" I cried before the fire killed me.

… I feel sorry for Quirrell now. Being burned to death _hurts._

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 11__th__, 1995_

"We are going to play 7 minutes in heaven!" A drunken Seamus called to the common room as he swayed in his spot.

"HARRY!" Fred, or was it George, yelled in my ear completely hammered. "You go first!"

"Alright," I slurred, which made me realize that I wasn't quite sober myself. One of the twins enthusiastically pulled me into a closet (which didn't used to be there) and shoved me in. My head hit the wall with a dull thud and a collapsed into unconsciousness.

Really, this tells me that I should never drink.

Never again…

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 12__th__, 1995_

"Meow!" I, well, meowed as I slunk through the halls. I rubbed up against people as I passed them. I purred when I felt someone scratch the top of my head.

"Now there's a good little Potter," a snobbish voice cooed at me.

"Meow?" I tilted my head at him. "Meow, hiss, purr!"

"Yes, you be Draco's little kitten," Malfoy crooned as I licked his neck.

I woke up right after that.

The most disturbing thing of that whole dream wasn't Malfoy…

… It was the fact that I was _human_ during the entire thing.

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 13__th__, 1995_

They never stop coming.

Over and over again:

Repeating.

I cannot hide from them as they follow me;

The cardboard cut-outs of celebrities.

I punch and kick,

But they just go back up.

On a conveyer belt,

That stalks my step.

Let me run;

For I cannot stay still.

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 14__th__, 1995_

_BANG! _The sound of my shotgun rang through the air, piercing the cries of the horde. _BANG! _I shot again, relishing the rain of brains that resulted from it. "Take that!" I yelled as I slammed the butt of my gun into the head of a zombie.

Yes, a zombie.

The crowd of undead shuffled on the grounds of Hogwarts, some were students and others were from the town. So far I hadn't noticed if magic made any difference between zombies, having not seen a muggle one, but I worried that the easy pickings would soon end.

"Harry!" Hermione cried and I ducked the beaters bat she swung. A dull thud and a splash were heard, and I turned to see that a zombie had come up behind me while I was thinking.

"Thanks Hermione," I smiled at her grimly, receiving a similar smile in return.

"No problem," She said primly before grimacing as her blood covered shirt stuck to her body. "Just try to pay more attention."

"I will," I promised. Before I could say anything else, the zombie she had killed began to groan. The two of us backed up; they were supposed to die right after killing them. They weren't supposed to get back up! However, this zombie shuffled to its feet with Hermione and I frozen in fear.

"Ugh," It groaned before it lunged at me with surprising speed. I was paralyzed and couldn't move out of the way. It tore at my throat, ripping it out with one fell swoop. I tried to tell Hermione to run, but blood gurgled in my open throat, drowning me quickly.

I just have this to say: Be prepared for anything.

…Even zombies.

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 15__th__, 1995_

"Harry," Natasha (_'Who?_') said as she placed her hands comfortably on my shoulders, "Come inside dear and talk to your children, let Dudley watch the kids." She didn't ask but commanded, which caused Dudley (_'Umm… don't we hate each other?'_) to make a whipping sound.

I laughed at my cousin, and plopped young Josh into his lap, "Ma'am yes ma'am."

My wife of 45 years (_'What the hell?'_) just rolled her eyes, "Cheeky."

"And you know it." I replied as I walked next to her up the lawn. I was a 71 year old man and didn't make it very far before a sharp pain in my chest caused me to stumble and fall.

"Harry, what's wrong?" My wife cried, distressed. I tried to answer, but I wasn't able to speak as my vision began to fade.

"Harry!"

"DAD!"

"What's wrong with Grandpa?"

I heard the cries of family for the last time until it all went black, the world fading completely.

Yeah, the whole Dudley thing threw me off, but I had a hot wife... So I couldn't complain.

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 16__th__, 1995_

I soared in the sky, my wings cutting through the air gracefully. My cry was a song that seemed to lift my own heart. With every beat of my wings my song grew louder and freer before I burst into flame.

Pleasant heat coursed through my body as I travelled instantly from one place to another. I glided through the air to land on a golden perch. Turning my head I saw the wizened Headmaster.

"Have a good flight Fawkes?" He questioned.

Wait a minute… What am I a phoenix?

Just what was in that drink Fred and George gave me?

I'm never trusting them again.

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 17__th__, 1995_

"Ciao, come sta Lei?" A man with dark hair asked me.

"Uhh…" I said, staring at him incomprehensibly.

"Dove siamo?" The man asked slowly, but I was still confused.

"Parli italiano?" The man once more tried to ask.

"Huh?" I questioned, and was surprised when he tossed his hands into the air and left in a huff.

"Weird," I said as I walked away to the stairs. However someone pushed me from behind and I turned as I fell to see the man who had been talking to me. He wore a triumphant grin as my head bashed against the stairs.

"Il mio lavoro è fatto," I heard him say before I blacked out.*

Bloody foreigners.

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 18__th__, 1995_

I have no idea where my brain comes up with these things. But I just have to say that Goyle doesn't look good in a speedo.

Yup, I did just write that.

And yes, I had a cringe inducing dream involving him in a speedo.

Please, don't ask.

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 19__th__, 1995_

I had a dream where everyone was seated in the Great Hall for dinner when suddenly the plates and dishes came alive. They started to dance and sing, but unfortunately they all had food on them.

Everyone was covered in food by the time they finished. This meant that they did not receive a standing ovation like they had wished.

It was kind of weird.

But it was funny to see Snape covered in gravy.

_Harry Potter_

DDD

"Hey guys!" Ron called as he ran toward us. "Come on, I want to try a spell!"

Hermione, who was surprised that Ron would be so enthusiastic for anything besides food or Quidditch was quickly to follow. Harry, who was just tired and couldn't care less, followed at a more sedate pace, using his map to make sure he didn't lose them.

"Come one Harry," Ron yelled, waving a hand urgently towards the open door of the Room of Requirement.

"Alright, alright, keep your hair on," Harry shouted back, using a saying he'd heard the twins say before. Though he wouldn't admit it, he was beginning to get curious as to what Ron was so hyped up about.

When he entered the Room, he noticed a large pentagram on the floor, with Hermione looking at it curiously. "What is this for?" Hermione asked clinically, her gaze sharp as she eyed the runes on the floor.

"For the spell of course," Ron said happily. "I had a dream about his spell and I wanted to try it out."

Hermione was shocked, "Ron! That could be extremely dangerous!"

Harry nodded when Ron turned to him for support. "I'll still do it though," He said when the red haired boy crumpled. After Ron shot a pleading look at Hermione she crumpled as well.

Soon they each stood at key points of the circle and Ron began to chant what he'd heard once in a dream.

"**Santarita metameda ringojonah titomarlin jackletoya janetmichael dumbledora the explora! Santarita metameda ringojonah titomarlin jackletoya janetmichael dumbledora the explora! Santarita metameda ringojonah titomarlin jackletoya janetmichael dumbledora the explora!"**** He chanted three times, as Harry and Hermione stared at him in shock.

'_That's really the spell?' _Harry thought bemused. When nothing happened, the three teens left the Room, Ron with his shoulders slumped.

"I bet the twins put something in my drink to make me think it was a spell." Ron muttered bitterly.

Hermione frowned, "Really, the nerve of those two. One of these days they're going to poison you!" She looked ready to go into prefect mode, as Harry called it.

"Ah, well, at least he's fine now," Harry added as they walked to the dormitory.

None of them knew that the spell was successful.

But then again, it was just another day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

* * *

* What the man said:

-Hello, how are you?

-Where are we?

-Do you speak Italian?

-My work is done.

** Taken from Hetalia ep13

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Yeah, I have a few things to say. Firstly, this has over 1,000 readers already! *Jumps up and down* I'm really excited and want to thank all of my readers so far; it makes me feel really happy. Secondly, I just want to say that I don't hate Italians (as it may seem like that). My professor is an Italian and is a wonderful person; so I don't have any irrational hatred. Thirdly, I know you must be a bit confused as to what was happening on Oct 15th during the fic. Well that was part of one of those fics that I started but never actually finished. I thought it would work well enough to fit into this, so ta da! Yeah, I'm running out of ideas. And lastly, I hope you don't hate me for the cliffhanger. I was going to continue, but I was like: "You know what, I want that to be the beginning of the next chapter." And yeah, I think it turns out pretty good, but that's more for you to decide.

Also, I am looking for more ideas! I am running out! If you have any crazy idea that I could use, just comment or send me a pm. Any and all help is appreciated!

Ciao,

USMCcAnthem


	8. October 20th to 27th

_Disclaimer: Well, I tried to find my ownership rights, but I wasn't able to. So Russia, the Baltics and England (personified) are owned by Himaruya Hidekaz, while Harry Potter and crew are owned by J.K. Rowling. I did find some of my random though, so hopefully it will help. Now to find the rest of it..._

* * *

"Vell, it seems little England summoned me again," Russia muttered darkly as he stared at the small room. Noticing that he was alone this time, he walked to the door and exited the room. He saw the door disappear when he entered the stone hallway, but it didn't faze him. He was looking for Arthur.

"Hey! Hey you!" A British accented voice called from his right. Russia turned to see a blonde boy, like Arthur. His eyebrows were different, but Russia guessed that England had finally done something about them. "What are you doing here?" The blonde asked snobbishly. "You're not a student here."

"Kolkolkolkol," Russia laughed darkly with a sweet smile. He saw the blonde shudder and his smile became even wider in anticipation. "You and me need to talk little England," He said in accented English.

"Wha-What?" The blonde stuttered, he began to back away, making a menacing purple aura appear around Russia. "B-But I didn't d-do anything."

"Ah, but I think you did." His smile turned as dark as his eyes as he hauled the boy to the door that just appeared. When he walked into a torture chamber, he laughed happily. "Ve Vill have fun, and you vill become one vith Russia, da?" The large nation asked as he dropped the boy on the cold floor.

All he got was a whimper in response.

DDD

_Oct 20__th__, 1995_

"Trick or treat!" I called in unison with Neville, Ron and Hermione. I was dressed up as the Tin Man, Ron was the Scarecrow, Neville the cowardly lion and Hermione was Dorthy from the Wizard of Oz. It was all pretty accurate (even our acting) except Hermione had Crookshanks instead of a dog as Toto.

We ducked as a glass vial was thrown our way, "Bugger off you bloody dunderheads and don't come back! Even for class!" Snape yelled at us as we ran away.

"Wait…" Ron said as he scratched his head. "Does that mean we have no Potions?"

I laughed happily when I realized what that meant as well.

However I then woke up to realize that I still had double Potions after History of Magic.

I've never been so depressed before in my life.

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 21__st__, 1995_

Duh dun.

Duh dun.

Duh duh duh duh duh duh.

DUH DUH DUNNNNN!

The toad approaches.

Will you survive?

I didn't; so let my death be a warning for you all.

The music will save you.

So run, far away, where she won't find you…

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 22__nd__, 1995_

Dudley stared at me while I stared back. I wondered at the lax and stupid position of his face, and had to stop the laugh that bubbled up in my chest.

"What you looking at freak?" He asked in his dull, lazy voice. I couldn't help but feel that it proved just how much of an idiot the other boy was.

"Nothing interesting," I said truthfully. I didn't exactly know why I was staring at my cousin; it just didn't make sense.

"Wha'?" Dudley asked stupidly. Well, I guess that isn't all that surprising.

"Nevermind Dud, just nevermind." I told him; waking up soon after.

That was just an odd dream…

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 23__rd__, 1995_

Snape chuckled darkly over the fire. I was tied to a large branch that he rotated with a flick of his wand. Sweat streaked down my face as I came in close contact to the fire.

"Not so arrogant now Potter?" He asked spitefully.

I tried to spit at him, but failed when he turned me. "I hate you." I told him.

He gave the same evil laugh as he said, "And I you, but I'm not the one going to die."

… That was disturbing.

I can't go near heat without flinching now.

So I'm sorry, but your class is too warm for me.

Yeah, I don't want to have a panic attack so…

… I'm not coming back.

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 24__th__, 1995_

"Muahahaha!" I laughed evilly as I stared at the group of Hogwarts house elves. "Come on now, follow me! Muahahaha!"

"HAHAHA!" The house elves laughed back at me.

"No, no that's not right!" I called, "Once more now: MUAHahaha!"

"MUAHAHAHA!" The house elves laughed evilly.

"Good, good," I smiled to all the beaming house elves. "Now all you need to do is make sure that you do that while working and everyone will be happy!"

… Next day…

The students of Hogwarts walked warily, twitching at the slightest sound, as they entered the Great Hall.

"The laughing," One voice was heard in the crowd.

"It never stops," Another continued.

"I can't sleep!" A female voice cried.

"WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!" A first year Hufflepuff screamed before being consoled by a prefect.

I laughed internally as I saw everyone freaking out. It was perfect way to honor the Marauders. MUAHAHAHA!

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 25__th__, 1995_

I hummed the Mission Impossible theme song as I crept through the halls, hands in the form of guns. I looked around the corner sneakily as my humming got louder, scanning the halls for any who would get in my way. I could that people were watching me funny, but I didn't care as I did a summersault between two Ravenclaws.

"What are you doing?" Luna asked me as I hid behind her.

"Shhh!" I shushed her, "No one is supposed to see me! I'm a spy."

"Okay," She nodded seriously. "May I join you agent Potter?"

I scrutinized her and eventually nodded, "You may Agent Lovegood."

"Goody," She squealed happily. "I've heard that Radicoons show themselves to spies."

"Shh!" I shushed her again, and she quietened. "You need to be quiet."

"Sir, yes sir!" She whisper yelled.

"Now let's go!" I ordered as I began to hum the Mission Impossible theme song. Together we crept through the halls doing summersaults and acting casual.

I think I make a pretty good spy.

I could totally beat Snape as one any day…

… If, you know, it wasn't spying on Voldemort…

I really would rather not die.

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 26__th__, 1995_

"Hey Hermione!" I called to my best friend as we walked through the courtyard. "Let's do a study!"

"What do you mean?" She asked as she turned to me. "A study of what?"

"Well, I once heard that if you stand on a street and stare up at a building for a long enough time, people will join you to see what you're looking at until there is a crowd of people. The funny thing is, no one will ask what you're looking at!" I told her excitedly.

"And you want to see if wizards have the same reaction as muggles," Hermione finished for me.

"Yeah," I said dismissively. "So…" I pleaded, doing puppy dog eyes.

"Alright," She agreed and I instantly turned to stare up at the clock tower, her joining me soon after.

Not ten seconds after, we were joined by Ron, who looked at us curiously before turning to stare at the tower. Next a group of fifth year Hufflepuffs joined us, and so on, until the entire courtyard was staring up at the clock tower.

"WHAT ARE YOU ALL STARING AT?" Professor Umbridge yelled at the top of her lungs. "THIS IS NOT PROPER BEHAVIOUR!"

"Well, I have no idea what we're looking at," A brave Gryffindor called near the back of the crowd with others murmuring their agreement.

"IF YOU'RE NOT STARING AT ANYTHING THEN GET TO CLASS!" Umbridge shouted at the group of students, who quickly disbanded.

"So, what were you guys looking at?" Ron asked Hermione and me as we walked through the halls.

"Nothing," Hermione said with a touch of humor in her voice. "Absolutely nothing."

She turned to look at me, and we both cracked at the hilarity of the moment, leaving a dumbfounded Ron to stand staring at us as I woke up.

"What's so fun?" Ron asked me when I let out a laugh when I got up.

"Nothing," I had said. "Absolutely nothing."

Yeah, I'm so going to do that now.

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 27__th__, 1995_

"Grunt!" I grunted at the miniature troll in front of me. I was in Hagrid's class, and he decided that we would study trolls. So, that was why I was trying to communicate with it.

"Harry, you're doing it wrong!" Hermione cried when she noticed that all I got for my efforts was a blank stare. "It's like this: grunt!"

Ron grunted in humor when she tried to grunt. The troll turned to him interestedly.

"Hn!" It grunted.

"Ah!" Ron grunted back, staring strangely at the troll.

"Gr!" The troll growled, only to be beat by Ron's stomach. "Hn."

"Guh," Ron grunted back, and smiled when the troll went back to its box. "So what's – Wait, why are you looking at me like that?"

Both Hermione and I had been staring at him in disbelief as he "talked" to the troll.

"I understand now," Hermione said lightly.

"Me too," I droned.

Ron looked at us confused, "What?"

"Don't worry about it," I told him with a slap on the back. "Let's just get the troll back to Hagrid."

"Okay?" Ron was obviously still confused.

Now I wonder if he would've been able to talk to the Mountain Troll that tried to kill us in first year. It would've saved me the heart attack, and the troll bugger on my wand… I think there is still some on it…

Ugh.

_Harry Potter_

DDD

"Let's go trick or treating!" Harry exclaimed as he jumped up from the couch. He had been inspired by his false entry and was really excited.

"But Harry, it's not even Halloween yet," Hermione complained as she placed her book down onto the coffee table.

"What's trick or treating?" Ron asked seriously, with other purebloods who had been listening in nodding in agreement.

Harry turned slowly to look at him, with Hermione gaping at him in surprise. All his excitement now gone, Harry could only ask in disbelief, "You've never heard of trick or treating?"

Ron nodded.

"That makes so much sense," Hermione breathed out as she stared at the red head, wide eyed. "I always wondered why candy was so expensive near Halloween at Hogsmeade. They don't have it on sale because they have no reason to."

"Yeah, and it's why no one seems to dress up." Harry added with a nod of his head.

Hermione hummed in agreement before she picked up her book to begin reading again; leaving a confused Ron to look at them both.

DDD

The country of Russia personified whistled as he left the castle. It had been a good day. He'd been able to test out his pipe and was able to hurt one of England's little citizens. Maybe he should try this "magic" thing. All those dark magic textbooks looked very interesting.

"Kolkolkolkol," He laughed.

DDD

One by one, the Baltic States shivered as fear raced down their spines. "Russia's coming home," They whispered as one. "And he's… happy."

DDD

Draco Malfoy twitched as he walked through the halls with a slight limp. He'd just been planning to catch Potter and his sidekicks doing something they shouldn't, instead he'd got…

'_No, must not think of it.' _He told himself as he looked around shiftily at the shadows. _'Nothing happened, I just tripped and fell is all.'_

"Hey Draco," His friend Blaise called. "You alright?"

"Fine, I'm fine," He said hysterically. "Just tripped down the stairs is all."

"Okay," Blaise answered slowly. "Well, I was wondering what you'd thought about going with my mother and I this summer to Russia?"

"AHHH!" Draco screamed at the top of his lungs before running as fast as a Firebolt at top speed in the opposite direction, flailing his arms like a mad man.

Blaise stared incomprehensibly at the spot that Draco had just disappeared before saying, "You're right, Russia isn't a good idea to visit. Maybe Spain instead?" He mused as he walked back to the dungeons.

It was just another day for young witches and wizards in training.


	9. October 28th to November 2nd

_Disclaimer: 1. I do not own Harry Potter. 2. I do not own the awesome laughter or Russia. 3. The Ninja Song on Oct 30th is real and you can look it up on Youtube. 4. Dobby is awesome, and deserves a cult... 5. And no, I have no idea what I was thinking for Oct 28th. Just go with it._

* * *

_Oct 28__th__, 1995_

I looked critically at the flower arrangement that I had made.

Yes, a flower arrangement.

I am a florist apparently.

Honestly, I blame my Aunt. I had to listen to her rant and rave about how she had to make a vase look a certain way and if it didn't she was going to be the laughing stock of the neighborhood. And don't forget the amount of times that she made me garden! I mean, what ten year old boy wants to make sure that the roses are perfect? None. They want to stomp on them, and laugh, and maybe punch someone, or climb a tree. Gardening is not a big hobby for boys.

Cough…

Yeah, well, umm…

I was a florist, and I made lots of money, and I'm going to stop now…

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 29__th__, 1995_

I had a harem.

Seriously.

In my dream I had like six girls that catered to my whim, and we had sex all the freaking time. And I got them to have orgasms so often that they named me a god.

Well, a goddess actually.

Yeah, I forgot to mention that I only got the girls when I turned into a girl myself.

But really, I had a harem.

So I'm not complaining.

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 30__th__, 1995_

"I'm a ninja and I'm gonna get ya,

"Where the sun don't hit ya," I sang as I slinked into the potions classroom.

"Potter!" Snape cried and I realized that I was late, "What is that drivel that you were singing?"

Draco snickered before he crumpled to the floor.

"And you'll never see it coming.

"Even if you're on the run there is nobody in this world that can

"Protect ya," I sang with a smirk on my face. Soon Crabbe and Goyle joined Draco on the floor. It seemed like I hadn't moved, but everyone knew that it was me.

"Potter! Stop this – ack!" Snape began to yell before he too had crumpled to the ground.

I smirked before I slinked back out of class, "You can't match my speed,

"Nobody's as fast as me,

"I creep in like a gentle breeze.

"Next minute you're on your knees, what? What?"

Unseen by the rest of the class, I gave a high five to the shadows, and Dobby high fived me back.

_Harry Potter_

_Oct 31__st__, 1995_

The fog flowed across the grounds, hiding the treacherous rocks and bumps from me. I tripped constantly over the hidden terrors, but I continued on. I was heading towards the forest; to find what I needed.

It was a dream, I knew. However, I was unaware of what I was searching for.

A sigh had escaped my lips as I crossed the threshold of the forest. I walked quickly, my feet knowing where to go even if my brain didn't. It was dark, being night, and it was hard to see. A swish of fabric let me know that I was wearing my invisibility cloak. Why, I didn't know. I just kept walking.

After a while I reached into my pocket, pace slowing. I took out a snitch and in an odd move, kissed the cold metal. I wasn't surprised when it popped open, strange as that was. It held a ring in the middle. I reached in and took it out.

_Three times…_

That was all I remembered, but really, why would I think that?

_Harry Potter_

_Nov 1__st__, 1995_

Now, I've noticed that Malfoy has been a bit… twitchy lately, but I didn't expect that to come into my dreams…

Scene 1:

"Go away Potter," Malfoy sneered as his eyes darted from side to side.

"Why ever would I do that?" I asked seriously. "I'm not suddenly going to leave this school to go to one in Russia –"

The rest of his sentence was cut off by Malfoy running away screaming at the top of his lungs.

Scene 2:

"Hey Malfoy!" I called to the boy who sat in a fetal position in a corner.

He whimpered at me.

"I'm sorry about what happened earlier, I didn't realize that you had an aversion to the word "Russia"." I nearly sniggered at his terrified face as I quickly moved out of the way. Soon, the blonde was streaking down the hallway, hands waving in the air.

Scene 3:

After that last time, I wasn't really in the mood to taunt Malfoy, but I was trying to make the weirdest laugh ever. Hermione and Ron were doing so as well.

"Ohonhonhon," Hermione laughed, making me and Ron burst into real laughter.

"You sound like a Frenchie!" Ron exclaimed through his tears of laughter. "Like one of those guys from Beauxbatons." He took a calming breath while me and Hermione collected ourselves. "Alright, here's mine: Kesesesese!"

Both Hermione and I looked at him funny. "_That's weird alright,_" We said in twin-like unison.

I huffed a laugh at Ron's offended face, but quickly pulled myself to together to do mine. "Alright, this is mine: Kolkolkolkol." However, before they could comment, a loud scream was heard and a streak of blonde was seen out of the corner of my eyes. "Somebody must've said Russia again," I mused.

"Or maybe he was just freaked out by your laugh, mate." Ron suggested with a muffled snigger. He'd missed the first two times I'd gotten Malfoy, so this was prime hilarity for him.

I wonder if "Russia" really is the trigger word…

_Harry Potter_

_Nov 2__nd__, 1995_

Dobby sat on the golden throne in front of the Great Hall wearing a bright yellow robe, purple hat and half moon glasses. Next to him was Winky wearing a pink number usually seen on Umbridge with a black ribbon tied in front of her ears. They looked absolutely ridiculous.

The funniest thing is that only Harry could tell that they weren't who they were supposed to be.

"Hem hem," Winky coughed in her high pitched voice, and I had to stifle a laugh. "I'd like to thank Dobb-Dumbledore for the lovely introduction," Winky then went on to doing the rest of Umbridge's speech. I had stuffed a fist into my mouth to stop from laughing out loud, gaining a large amount of confused and amused faces turning my way.

"Thank yous!" Dobby cheered when Winky finished her speech, and I slammed my head on the table to stop others from seeing my face. "It's been a pleasure to sees alls yous happy faces! And I –" Dobby was cut off from saying anymore when the door slammed open to reveal the real Dumbledore and Umbridge. Soon the whole Hall realized just exactly who they had been staring at, and I couldn't keep my laughter in any longer.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Was all everyone heard as I fell out of my seat to roll along the floor laughing. It was just too funny.

I will never be able to look at Winky normally again.

Or Umbridge for that matter…

Maybe I won't get as mad anymore.

_Harry Potter_

DDD

"Can you believe that he was sent to the Giants?" Hermione asked in disbelief as they walked through the passage ways back to the common room. "That's so dangerous."

"Lighten up Hermione," Ron whined as he hunched over to stay underneath the cloak. "He's fine now, so really, there is nothing to complain about."

"He has a black eye Ron!" Hermione whisper yelled. "How is that fine?"

"It's a male thing," Harry told the distraught girl. "We have a different level of fine."

"And you have a level of fine so low that even guys cringe," Hermione snapped at him. "Yes, because you were perfectly fine when you carved words into your hand. Really, boys are so stupid sometimes." She huffed as she told the portrait the password and stormed to her dormitory.

Ron and Harry shared exasperated looks. "_Girls," _They said in unison before they let out a light laugh, too happy about Hagrid being back to be too annoyed.

Just another day for Harry and Ron.


	10. November 3rd to 5th

_Disclaimer: I would like to mention that I don't own Harry Potter, LOTR or Snow White. Thanks and ENJOY!_

* * *

_Nov 3__rd__, 1995_

Alright, so Hermione was telling Ron and me (mostly me because I'm pretty sure Ron was out of it) about this book she had read as a kid. I found it pretty interesting and well, I ended up dreaming about it.

I stood next a tall man – or was I short in comparison? – who was smoking from a pipe. He smiled at me and asked me to join him on an adventure.

An adventure?

Of my own choosing?

HELLS YES!

Anyway, I said yes to the man, and soon we were travelling, gaining more companions on the way, but I pretty much forgot about them… And the rest of the dream really.

However I do remember one thing.

YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

And please, don't put that on my homework.

Please!

_Harry Potter_

_Nov 4__th__, 1995_

I was eating in the Great Hall during breakfast in my dream. I'd already put some bacon on the side for Hedwig and was about to have some eggs. However, I decided to switch to fruit, because I remembered the evil glare Hedwig gives me every time I eat eggs in front of her…

…Scary…

Well, I was reaching for the apples when suddenly George – how he knew about this I have no clue – or maybe Fred, came up beside me.

Clasping me on the shoulder he grinned. "Top of the morning young chap! About to break your fast?"

"Uh," I mumbled, looking up at the twin with wide eyes. "Yeah~"

"Good, good," He cheered before his face became dark and he leaned closer to whisper in my ear. "That's how Snow White died," His voice was menacing and I nearly bolted from the spot. But I was confused as to why he would say that.

Turning to look at my hand, I realized I held an apple in my hand. Red Delicious to be exact.

I've decided, after that dream, that maybe I should be a bit more weary of what I eat during breakfast.

I am at a magical school.

And have the entire wizarding world think I'm a loony.

And have all the Death Eaters child after me.

And have Fred and George in my house.

And… you know what? I'm just going to stop there.

No point in freaking myself out more right.

Right?

…_**RIGHT?!**_

_Harry Potter_

_Nov 5__th__, 1995_

"Sorry Harry, but I can't go out today as I have my period," Angela told me as she patted me on the back. I'd gone to ask the Quidditch team if they wanted to go out. First Ron couldn't because Hermione was watching him like a hawk; the two beaters had an essay due in Transfiguration tomorrow so they were no go. Now the girls were also saying no, and all for the same reason.

"Umm… You could've just told me you don't want to." I said awkwardly as I shifted my broom on my shoulder.

I mean really. If a girl doesn't want to go out for the day, there is no reason for her to lie about having a "period".

A period of rudeness, maybe, but no reason to not hang out.

So rude…

DDD

"Harry, just what do you think periods are?" Hermione asked crossly as she read Harry's diary over his shoulder.

"Excuses to be rude," Harry said bluntly.

Hermione's eyes widened in shock, "You don't…" She trailed off as she looked at Harry in disbelief. "Oh Harry," She shook her head sadly. "I'm sorry, but this needs to happen." She then dragged him off, telling a clueless Ron to look over their stuff.

DDD

An hour later, a severely scarred and traumatized Harry was pulled through the portrait hole. He twitched whenever he looked at a girl and his face seemed to be permanently drained of blood.

"Where'd you guy go?" Ron asked Harry as he curled up in chair for a moment before relaxing with a violent shudder.

"Don't ask, please don't ask." Harry said desperately before Hermione could say a word and went back to his homework to drown out any other thoughts.

DDD

…It's not rude. It's a perfectly logical reason.

And I will never complain about being a boy again!

_Harry Potter_

* * *

_To be continued..._

* * *

**Author's Note:**

I'm so sorry for making this so short! But I don't know what to write! ANYWAY, the ideas for this chapter came from perusing FML, so you must thank the lovely people who had horrible days for helping me create this! Also, I would like to thank you for all the reviews, favourites, follows and views! It's at 2,000 now! WHOOT!

Yeah, with all the positive responses, I'm having performance anxiety... in regards to writing... ("Get your heads out of the gutter!") So, I'm having trouble writing. No, this is not writers block, because I have loads of ideas, but I can't _write them down. _I'm so not having a mental break down... *Cough* Ah, well...

Ciao!

USMCcAnthem


	11. November 6th to 9th

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Also, RIP Freddie Mercury._

* * *

_Nov 6__th__, 1995_

Ha! Harry looks funny! He won't stop muttering about girls and their periods…

… Mum made sure that all of us knew about it after Bill tried to rush his girlfriend to St. Mungo's when she had it.

He was 21…

Pretty funny.

My dream was about that by the way.

_Ron Weasley_

_Nov 7__th__, 1995_

In my dreams, I was in the hospital wing when I was in first year. I'd gotten bit by a dragon (scratched out) dog and was there for treatment. I was pretending to be asleep so I wouldn't have to do homework when I heard Madam Pomfrey mutter, "It would be so easy to kill you right now and make it look like an accident, so stop pretending to sleep this instant Ronald Weasley!"

She sounded like my mother.

_Ron Weasley_

_Nov 8__th__, 1995_

(_Harry's Writing) _In Transfiguration Dean and Seamus got in trouble because they were playing around. However, instead of assigning them detentions, she said, "You will have to sit across from Mr. Weasley during meals for a week and watch him eat."

Their faces turned green while they turned to me. I had a confused look on my face, but shrugged as the bell rang for lunch to begin.

For some reason they looked like they were going to puke.

(_Ron's Writing) _I don't get it.

Why would they be puking?

Harry?

_Ron Weasley_

_Nov 9__th__, 1995_

I was drowned by Ginny in my cauldron at home.

_Ron Weasley_

DDD

"Honestly Ron, you shouldn't laugh at others misfortunes," Hermione scolded Ron as she read over his diary, having already finished her own homework for the night. "Harry won't be normal for quite some time. Really, I doubt you reacted any differently than him."

Ron's face turned red in embarrassment, "So maybe I did, but that doesn't mean it's funny. Right Harry?" Ron turned to his best mate in hopes for help.

Harry shuddered before pulling himself into a tighter ball. He'd had to listen to Pavarti and Lavender talk about their girl troubles all class the day before, and was suffering from it.

"See," Ron gestured to Harry as though he'd said something affirmative. "Harry agrees."

Hermione just looked at him blankly before sighing, "This is going to come back to get you."

DDD

Hermione had no idea just how right she was when some of the girls (Ron's sister included) of the (unofficial) Harry Potter Fan Club banded together to get back at Ron. They all believed that Harry's current state of mind was his fault and decided to get revenge.

"I call this meeting of the HPFC to order," Ginny called, bringing the attention to her. She was the president of the group, being the closest out of all of them to Harry and being able to get the most information. "Now, we are here to discuss the Plan."

There were excited whispers that went through the group of girls before they silenced in anticipation.

"Even though we are plotting against my brother, I won't let that stop me." Ginny didn't mention that it wouldn't ever stop her from exacting revenge, but the other girls didn't need to know that. "We will get back at him for what he did! So who's with me?" She yelled, bringing the anticipation to an all time high as they shouted their encouragements.

Ginny smirked and waved her wand to summon the black board to her, the details of the Plan on it written in neat script. "Here's what we're going to do…"

DDD

Ron walked tiredly up the stairs, having been put through another hard practice. He wasn't sure if he should be angry at Harry for being banned or being jealous that he didn't need to go through the horrible practices. With a sigh he decided that it took too much thought on his part and just trudged into the bathroom to take a shower; the showers in the change room having been on the fritz. He stripped off his dirty clothes and went to stand under the shower head. After he'd washed his hair and body he decided to just stand under the spray and let the warm water relax his body. However, he started to feel something creeping up his legs. Looking down, he saw a huge spider (not Aragog large, but more around his children's size) crawling up his leg. With a scream so high he would make Freddie Mercury jealous, he ran from the room, flailing and panicking.

He was so panicked he forgot one vital thing…

He was naked.

In his fear, he didn't notice anything as he ran screaming from the bathroom, out the dorm and into the common room. He didn't see the flash of a camera, notarizing the event or the giggles from the girls when they saw him in his birthday suit. Ron definitely missed the satisfied smirk on his baby sisters' face as he bolted from the common room and to the Room of Requirement.

He also never saw the spider turn back into a towel as the transfiguration wore off.

* * *

**A/N:**

This chapter is dedicated to **Winged-panther1** who wished for another Ron chapter for him to be traumatized. I hope you liked it.

Anyway, should I include the Harry Potter Fan Club more often? I will be willing to put readers (with normal names) into the story to add to their fan base, as there is only Colin Creevey and Ginny Weasley as known members. Comment and/or PM me if you wish for that to happen.

Cheers,

USMCcAnthem (May)


	12. November 10th to 15th

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Mario or Jordy or Candy._

* * *

After the successful prank of Ron Weasley, the Harry Potter Fan Club had been a bit more active than usual. As the entire group had quite enjoyed playing a prank – getting called out by the Weasley twins as their pranking equals – and now wished to play another one.

"We should prank my brother again," Ginny said excitedly, her brown eyes shining with possibilities. She had quite enjoyed the way he reacted to the prank and loved how he could barely walk down the hallway without having someone laugh at him. "And maybe include Malfoy too."

"Yeah," Jordy, a fourth year Slytherin who shared most of his classes with Ginny and Collin, chimed in from where he was standing. "The guy deserves it. He's been meaner than usual after his whole "Russia" scare."

There was a scattering of giggles in the room as they remembered his various reactions once Harry had realized the trigger word.

Ginny smiled at her class mate, "He's has hasn't he? Well, what do you think we should do?" She cocked her head in thought as she stared at the other boy.

Jordy laughed and rubbed his hands together gleefully, "I have the perfect idea…"

DDD

_Nov 10__th__, 1995_

I fly so very high, high in the sky.

Like a kite in the breeze the sees

The fleeting freedom,

Yet is pulled back by its string.

My freedom is only temporary,

Only momentary;

I hate it.

Yet the door, black and smooth

Appears in my dreams

That appears to give me a way to leave.

It offers freedom, and poetry.

So, can you help me?

I rather dislike talking and writing in prose.

Or was it Fred and George

That made me rhyme?

No matter,

It's wearing off and I have to say that it was bloody annoying. Freaking twins. I'll get back at them for this, mark my words!

_Harry Potter_

_Nov 11__th__, 1995_

I remember that today was the day that muggles around the world remember and honour their war heroes. Why doesn't the wizarding world do that?

So in my dreams I remember those who fell to Voldemort. I remember not their faces or names, but their spirit. I hope that there won't be many others to add to my remembrance, but I know that's a pipe dream.

So instead I dream of a field of poppies and my parents beside me.

_Harry Potter_

_Nov 12__th__, 1995_

"It'sa me, Mario~" I sang in a horrible Italian accent while wearing a red cap.

"It'sa me, Luigi~" A kid from Slytherin sang with a green hat on. I don't know who he is, but he looks familiar and I think I've seen him in class.

"AAHHH!" Cho screamed as she was hauled over Hagrids shoulder. She was for some reason wearing a poofy pink dress while Hagrid had a tail attached to the back of his coat.

"Oh no~" I cried in the horrible accent. "Peach has been kidnapped~" I then ate a poisonous looking mushroom that caused me to grow to the same size as the door. I charged the door, running after Hagrid and attacking him with a flower that I found on the grounds.

Soon Hagrid collapsed and the Luigi guy grabbed Cho/Peach and I shrunk down to normal size.

"Oh Mario~" Cho cried in a high falsetto. "Thank you so much!"

"It's a no problem~" I told her with a blush as she kissed my cheek.

Before I woke up I heard the Luigi guy say, "Whya do you alwaysa forgeta me~"

How weird…

_Harry Potter_

_Nov 13__th__, 1995_

Flitwick warned the class of how to properly say the spell. I wasn't really listening, instead focusing on Ron and the paper of doodles between us. Ron drew a butterfly eating Malfoy and I had to stop a snigger.

"Guys," Hermione whispered to us. "Play attention! We're practicing now!"

"Oh," I jolted up and picked my wand up from the desk. "What's the spell again, uh…" I trailed off at the venomous look thrown at me by Hermione. "Nevermind, I know…

"_Pallium!*_" I said with a funky flourish of my wand.

I heard a gasp from Hermione and turned to stare at her. "What?" I asked annoyed.

Ron sniggered.

"I didn't know you were a vampire!" I heard Neville cry and I looked at my hands to see them pasty white.

"Really?" I sighed, "Isn't that what we are supposed to do?"

"No Harry, not at all." Hermione said with a laugh in her voice.

I never did find out what I was supposed to be doing.

I wonder if that spell would work…

_Harry Potter_

_Nov 14__th__, 1995_

"DIE YOU BASTARD!" I heard Ron yell from the Common Room. Thinking that he'd finally snapped and decided to kill his brothers, I ran up the stairs.

"DIE!" I heard once again with a bang and things crashing to the ground. I slammed into the room and paused to stop in shock at what I saw.

The whole room was destroyed with Ron in the middle panting and looking around madly.

"WHERE IS IT?" Ron asked, foaming at the mouth, eyes darting this way and that.

"Where is what?" I asked cautiously, not wanted to have a snapped!Ron on my hands.

"THE SPIDER!" He roared before pointing his wand randomly and shouting off a bludgeoning hex.

"A spider…" I said as I stared at him in disbelief before nodding and walking back down to the common room.

I can see that happening.

Actually, that almost did happen in first year.

But he didn't know enough spells…

… Now we make sure there aren't any in the dorm room.

If only because we don't want to have our stuff destroyed.

_Harry Potter_

_Nov 15__th__, 1995_

They're coming,

They will find you.

They know your habits,

They know when you sleep,

They know how you think.

They are the Pigmy Puffs.

They hunt when you least expect it.

They make you believe you're safe.

They lie to you,

They seem cute...

They aren't

They are the Pigmy Puffs.

They will get you.

They will rule.

They will be your death.

They are the Pigmy Puffs.

_Harry Potter_

DDD

Ginny, Collin and Jordy were fighting about what they should do with the prank. They'd done pretty well so far in regards to what was happening, but there was one fact that they were fighting over.

"I still think we should do something that everybody will know," Ginny argued.

Jordy placed his hands on his hips, "But those aren't very fun at all, I want to…"

"We know," Collin said with a shake of his head. "But what one would we use? There are so many different types."

Candy, a muggleborn third year Hufflepuff, coughed as she tried to get their attention, "Uh…" She blushed brightly when they all turned to stare at her. "I have one we could do," She looked to the ground in embarrassment. "I'm not sure how it will turn out, but it would be funny."

Jordy looked at Candy critically, "Is it what I want?"

Candy nodded shyly before adding, "And it's well known. I've seen some Slytherins…" She trailed off when she saw the disbelief on their faces. "It's true."

Ginny frowned for a moment before she nodded to the younger girl, "Just what one are you talking about?"

Candy told them and they all smiled in glee.

"That's perfect," Collin crowed in happiness while Ginny smirked.

"Well, let the prank begin…" Jordy laughed with a glimmer of mischievousness in his eyes.

* * *

_To be continued..._

* * *

_*Pallium _is my attempt at making a spell. Pallium is derived from the latin word _palleo _which means to grow pale, be pale and other such meanings.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

Still taking those who wish to be apart of the fan club, as they will probably play a bigger role in the fic (if only because fangirls/boys are entertaining to write about). And I'm glad that **Winged****-panther1 **and **Candygirl14 **enjoyed the last chapter, and I hope you like the next one!

Also, sorry for all the prose, I tried a bunch of times to write the entries without it, but it didn't work. I'll try to keep it narrative for next time.

Ja ne,

USMCcAnthem

* * *

**Edit 21/11/13: I apologize for making Winged-panther1 a girl, I've now edited it. If you've read this it's no big change and won't be much different than a gender/house switch for Jordy. I'm _really _sorry. :'(**


	13. November 16th to 18th

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or Queen or Jordy_

* * *

_Nov 16__th__, 1995_

The food was singing to me, "Eat us, eat us~" There were pumpkin pasties, cauldron cakes, roast, roasted potatoes, candied yams, chicken, lamb and oh so much food.

"Yes, yes, come to me," I chanted to the food, and watched as it appeared on my plate. Picking up a fork I (Scratched Out)

Um… Hermione drowned me?

_Ron Weasley_

DDD

Ginny smirked as she walked down the Gryffindor table; today was the day. Jordy had already given the potion to Malfoy and now all she had to do was do the same with her brother. In a move similar to her mother she went behind Ron and gave him a bone crushing hug, making sure to allow her sleeve and hand to hover over his glass for a moment to put potion in it. "Good morning Ron," She chirped happily as she crushed his ribs.

"What the 'ell Ginny?" Ron asked angrily as he struggled out of her grip.

"Can't a little sister just say good morning?" She asked rhetorically as she let go of her struggling brother and went to join her friends. She smirked once again as she heard her brother sputtering in his seat. Now all that was left was for her to wait.

DDD

_Nov 17__th__, 1995_

The potion bubbled menacingly as I stared at it in horror. I'm pretty sure the shrinking solution was not supposed to look like that.

"Potter," Snape barked. "You now have to test out your potion, I'm sure the Gryffindor Golden Boy did fine," I would feel a lot better if his words didn't drip with sarcasm.

I laughed nervously before taking a goblet of the potion and downing it in one fell swallow. When I felt like my body was on fire, I realized that something had gone wrong. The world was black for a moment, and I realized that I was covered in my robes, which had become too big for me. Examining myself, I realized that I was around four years old.

Yeah, I'm gonna milk that for all it's worth…

_To be continued…_

DDD

"My family is so weird," Ron said to Neville and Harry who sat across from him. "Just came to say good morning my arse," Ron mocked, as he reached for his pumpkin juice. "I bet she drugged my drink," He said jokingly as he took as sip, swallowing it. He took another one, but this time sprayed it out, causing it to hit Harry and Neville.

"Ugh Ron," Harry said in disgust with Neville looking the same as him. "That's just disgusting." He took off his glasses and cleaned them off on a dry part of his shirt.

"Why'd you do that?" Neville asked annoyed while using a napkin to wipe the drink off his face.

"I think she did drug it, it tastes funny!" Ron proclaimed in horror as he stared at the two other boys. "And it got you too!"

"Yeah, and whose fault is that?" Harry asked sarcastically as he replaced his glasses. He shared a look with Neville and the two seemed to have a silent conversation for a moment.

Nodding, Neville turned to Ron and stated, "Well, I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens then."

And wait they did.

DDD

_Nov 17__th__ continued…_

I whimpered pitifully as large shapes loomed over me. Yeah, the whole toddler thing was pretty awesome in the first three seconds, but then I remembered a couple of things. One, everyone was bigger than me. Two, I couldn't see worth a damn. Three, I wasn't supposed to know magic. And four, I was cold.

Okay, so the last one was kind of irrelevant, but I was only wearing a too big button up, so give me a break.

"Harry?" Hermione asked as she stared at me with wide eyes. I looked towards her shape, her massive hair being an easy indicator.

"Who?" I asked in a toddler voice. I was going to pretend that I didn't know anything and be all coddled and stuff (no homework).

"Hermione, your best friend." Hermione said worriedly.

I tilted my head as though thinking. "What's a best friend?" I asked, but it probably came out funny because being a toddler and all… yeah, just though I'd remind you of that point.

I woke up after that, but I now feel the urge to mess up a potion…

I'm pretty sure I could replicate the effects.

_Harry Potter_

DDD

(Look up Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen)

Ginny tapped Collin on the back of the hand, and now the prank began. After he muttered a spell, the Great Hall darkened and Malfoy, Ron, Harry and Neville made their way to the front of the Hall. Ginny's mouth dropped open in shock at the fact that there was four boys instead of two.

All together they began to sing, "_Is this the real life?_

_Is this just fantasy?_

_Caught in a landslide_

_No escape from reality_

_Open your eyes_

_Look up to the skies and see_," They all had lights shining under their faces, illuminating them in a creepy sort of fashion and many of the students whispered as they recognized the song.

Ron then stood forward from the group with a spotlight appearing to illuminate him fully, _"I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy."_

The others soon joined him, "_Because I'm easy come, easy go_

_Little high, little low_."

The spotlight shrunk to show only Malfoy who looked soulful as he sang, "_Anyway the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me, to me_."

Piano played as the spotlight dimmed. People were swaying to the music and watching in glee for what was next. Even the professors watched in anticipation of the performance.

The spotlight brightened once more to show only Ron with long, wild red hair and a glittery spandex suit that caused many to laugh. He didn't seem to notice as he stared out at the audience, enraptured with the song. "_Mama, just killed a man_

_Put a gun against his head_

_Pulled my trigger, now he's dead_

_Mama, life had just begun_

_But now I've gone and thrown it all away_," He clenched a fist in front of his heart before he stepped out of the light to allow Malfoy to step forward.

Clad in a green tank top and spandex bike shorts with his slicked back hair now long, dry and untidy, he was a sight to see. Many people snickered as he began his solo, "_Mama, ooo_

_Didn't mean to make you cry_

_If I'm not back again this time tomorrow_

_Carry on, carry on, as if nothing really matters_." He stepped back to allow the spotlight to dim, and the piano played once more. Everyone was wondering just what Harry and Neville looked like after seeing Ron and Malfoy.

They weren't disappointed as Harry stepped forward into the light with a fierce look on his face. Unlike like the other two he stood shirtless with tight leather pants and his hair long and as wild as before, he also sported a green lightning bolt painted onto his cheek. "_Too late, my time has come_

_Sends shivers down my spine_

_Body's aching all the time_

_Goodbye everybody - I've got to go_

_Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth_

_Mama, ooo –_" At this point the Hall could hear the other three boys chime in, "_Anyway the wind blows_," before Harry continued on singing.

"_I don't want to die_

_I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all_." As he finished his solo Neville stepped forward clad in ripped jeans, a leather jacket, long frayed out blond hair and a bandana on his head. He also had managed to get a guitar which he played expertly during the guitar solo. He had many a student watching him in awe as he jammed out to the epic song.

However, it was soon over as the spotlight soon showed only Malfoy who posed with a fist on his hip and his hand in the air, "_I see a little silhouetto of a man_."

The others now shown to the Hall were in similar poses as they sang, "_Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango_

"_Thunderbolt and lightning - very very frightening me!" _

Now, Ron and Malfoy turned to face each other as they sang back and forth with Malfoy hitting the higher notes and Ron the lower, "_Gallileo_, _Gallileo_,

_Gallileo_, _Gallileo_."

They then sang together, "_Gallileo Figaro – magnifico!"_

Ron then turned back the Hall and sang, "_But_ _I'm just a poor boy and nobody loves me._"

The other three boys joined him to sing, _"He's just a poor boy from a poor family_

_Spare him his life from this monstrosity."_

Harry smirked at the Hall as he did a high kick before singing, "_Easy come easy go - will you let me go!_"

They all joined together, jumping around and acting crazy as they sang, "_Bismillah! No - we will not let you go - let him go_

_Bismillah! We will not let you go - let him go_

_Bismillah! We will not let you go - let me go_

_Will not let you go - let me go (never)_

_Never let you go - let me go_

_Never let me go – ooo_

_No, no, no, no, no, no, no –_"

Malfoy and Ron grabbed each of Neville's arms and proceeded to pull him back and forth as he sang, "_Oh mama mia, mama mia!"_

Ron and Malfoy dropped his arms to join Harry and him in singing, "_Mama mia let me go_

_Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me_

_for me,"_ He stopped and Malfoy stepped forward.

He opened his mouth and sang in a high falsetto, "_FOR ME_!" Many people were torn between laughing and gaping in awe after that.

Neville somehow procured the guitar again and jammed on it while he sang, "_So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye._"

Harry did a backflip while Neville sang, and sprang out of it to pick up where the other boy left off, "_So you think you can love me and leave me to die!_"

They then sang together as Malfoy and Ron did various poses in front of their tables, "_Oh baby - can't do this to me baby_

_Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here._"

Harry soon joined the two others in posing as Neville once again jammed on his guitar like the secret badass he truly was.

They joined back together to sing, "_Ooh yeah, ooh yeah."_

Draco then stepped forward to sing with a solemn face, "_Nothing really matters_

_Anyone can see_

_Nothing really matters - nothing really matters to me!_"

Everyone knew that the song was coming to an end and sang together with the boys as they did the ending, "_Anyway the wind blows…_"

The lights faded to darkness before returning to its normal setting to reveal four uniform clad shocked and dumbfounded boys. The entire Hall burst into applause as they cheered on such an amazing performance. They walked back to their tables and were patted on the back and given many compliments.

Soon the Hall was back to normal, with Dumbledore stepping in to stop the other students from mobbing the four. Ron sat down back at his place and looked at the two in front of him, "I told you it was drugged."

"Uh huh," Harry nodded in agreement as he watched Cho send him a flirtatious look.

Neville rolled his eyes and asked what was on all their minds, "Just what exactly did we do?"

"No idea," Ron said with a shrug as he began his cold food.

"But I don't care," Harry continued on for the red head. "It obviously wasn't that bad."

Neville looked at his two dorm mates before sighing. He wanted to know what had all the girls staring at him like a piece of meat. If only so that he never did it again…

DDD

_Nov 18__th__, 1995_

I had a dream that I was a rock star and jammed out on an electric guitar. I was in a group with Harry, Ron and Malfoy (I don't really understand the last part) and we sang Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. It was really weird; I don't see this actually happening in real life.

Oh well, it was pretty cool dream though.

_Neville Longbottom_

* * *

**A/N:**

Did you see that coming? And yes, this idea is credited to **Winged-panther1 **because I suck at thinking up pranks. My goodness this took me _forever _to do. I never had this much trouble before. I had to do the lyrics while still making it interesting, and I had to listen to the song like a bajillion times to make sure everything correlated and it's still not perfect... Thankfully I love this song. And yes, Neville was in it! Whoot for him being a secret badass! He won't be a regular in the fic, but he worked perfectly for this.

Well, I hope you liked it,

USMCcAnthem


	14. November 19th to 24th

_Disclaimer: As you all know, I'm not secretly J.K. Rowling, so I do not hold any ownership of the Harry Potter franchise._

* * *

_Nov 19__th__, 1995_

I laughed with the others on the bus. I was with two other girls, who I don't really remember and we were going on a field trip. Dumbledore stood in the front of the bus and smiled at us all as we played around. I had a rabbit in a holey knitted bag for some reason, and the girl next to me had a bag full of different kinds of hard candy.

There was a time skip and I was in a dank basement with the girl with the hard candy. She smiled at me as we walked, and I laughed when she jumped at a moving shadow. However, the rabbit that was in my holey knitted bag began to squirm and suddenly escaped from its confines. In a panic I left the girl and chased after the rabbit.

It led me through corridors, and I swore I saw Dumbledore smiling at me benignly during one of my turns. However, I soon found myself in a shadowed corridor with the rabbit trembling against the wall. I reached for it, but before anything could happen, something crawled down the walls.

It was Voldemort.

He crawled on his hands and feet with his joints at awkward angles, making him look similar to a spider. He grinned a snake like grin that terrified me as he came closer to me. I tried to run away, but I tripped and ended up on my back with him hovering over me…

And then I woke up.

I didn't go back to sleep after that.

Though I do wonder why the girl had hard candy…

_Harry Potter_

_Nov 20__th__, 1995_

"London Bridge is falling down," I heard the female childish singing echo through the halls. I blinked as it was repeated over and over again, fading as the sound bounced down the hall.

"Falling down, falling down." It came again and I walked quicker to get away from it, feeling as though something was watching me.

"London Bridge is falling down," I broke out into a sprint to get away from the singing, but it seemed as if I could escape the hallway. It wouldn't end. It wouldn't let me leave.

"My fair lady." The end of the song came from a whispered voice just over my shoulder and I screamed as I bolted awake.

_Harry Potter_

_Nov 21__st__, 1995_

"Did you know that purebloods breed idiots three times out of seven?" Hermione asked.

"No, I didn't," I said as I blinked at her in amazement. "How'd you get such as precise amount?"

In answer she turned to look down the table. I looked as well and saw that she was staring at the twins who were terrorizing Ron.

"Huh," I said as I blinked at them. "I see."

_Harry Potter_

_Nov 22__nd__, 1995_

In my dream I decided to give back to Mrs. Weasley for knitting me a jumper every year by knitting her one. I bought the yarn and the knitting needles (though I was confused as to why there was more than one type, why would you need different ones?). Then I sat down in the common room and stared at the ball of yarn and did nothing.

I had no idea how to knit.

Is there a spell?

In the end, I somehow managed to get myself covered in yarn, tied to a chair with my eyebrows singed off.

I also have the sudden urge to destroy every knitting needle I see.

_Harry Potter_

_Nov 23__rd__, 1995_

"Bippity boppity Boo!" I watched a woman in a periwinkle blue cloak sing as she danced in the hallways, waving a white wand with a star at the end. Where ever she waved glitter appeared and everything appeared nicer than before.

I tilted my head as I watched her turn a mouse into a person and a random pumpkin into a carriage.

Then Hermione came running, wearing what she had for the Yule Ball, curtsied to the woman and then _got into the pumpkin carriage. _

I was confused.

Maybe I should avoid having treacle tart right before bed.

_Harry Potter_

_Nov 24__th__, 1995_

Ron walked down the stairs with angel wings on his back, a pink leotard and ballet shoes. The most horrible thing is that he wasn't wearing tights, just his shorts, so his hairy legs were there for the world to see.

Yes, I'm not joking.

"Uh, Ron?" I asked as I stared at him funny. "What are you wearing?"

"Whit aren't ye sportin', ye eejit?*" Ron asked in a horrible Scottish accent. "Ye'r suppose tae be an angel tae!**"

"Um, no thanks?" Harry muttered as he tried to look away from his horrifying friend.

"Weel, screw ye! Ah dinnae need ye tae be bonny!***" He shouted as he stormed out of the common room…

My eyes.

They cannot _unsee._

_Harry Potter_

DDD

"You know, I sometimes wonder just how smart Hagrid is." Hermione said conversationally as they walked back to the castle.

Harry sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I understand so much right now."

"Really, bringing a Giant near a school!" She ranted, ignoring Harry's muttering of, "Well, it is a magic school."

"It could kill someone!" She continued to rant while Harry decided to tune her out. Really, he knew of this. He knew that Hagrid wasn't being smart bringing his brother with him to the school, but there was little the two of them could do but help him out.

He sighed as he walked through the doors and Hermione quietened as they snuck back up to the dorms.

He sometimes wished that there was a normal day at Hogwarts.

* * *

I got these from an English to Scottish translator which I thought was pretty neat:

*What aren't you wearing, you idiot?

**You're supposed to be an angel too.

***Well, screw you! I don't need you to be beautiful!"

* * *

**A/N:**

This chapter was kinda bleh. I don't find it all that funny, and I think my mood bled into it. Considering I'm exhausted, pissed off and stressed out, that's not the greatest thing in the world. Actually, it was also influenced by my freaking dreams, considering Nov 19, 20 and 22 are based off my dreams that I've had the past three days... ugh.

I'm just gonna stop writing now and maybe go to bed. Yeah, that sounds good.

Buenas Noches,

USMCcAnthem


	15. November 25th to 26th with HPFC

_Disclaimer: Jordy, Candy and Abby do not belong to me. Neither do the other cast and crew from Harry Potter. Or the joke by Jeremy Hotz._

* * *

The Harry Potter Fan Club had grown in size since its founding in 1991 when Harry first stepped foot on the Hogwarts Express. However, in its beginning stages, it was separated into small groups, mostly friends who stuck together, and had no real organization to it. Then Ginny Weasley and Collin Creevey entered the school. Taking a look at the disorganized mess, they rallied those other fans and created a true group, getting it sanctioned by an amused Professor McGonagall. Now nearly four years after its official construction, they'd been getting more members, either from the pranks or from those who'd heard about Harry teaching other students and those weirdo's who wanted to get a piece of the crazy boy-who-lived.

Ginny walked into the room with her head held high, knowing that she was the leader of this group, with Collin trotting in behind her. They were gathered in the room Professor McGonagall had offered them, now full of other students, girls and guys alike. Ginny went to the head of the room and overlooked the other students with a stern yet proud expression. "Everyone," She started off solemnly. "It's good to see that this has such a good turn out and I thank you all from taking a break from your homework to come."

There was a scattering of applause and cheers, with one guy sending out sparks out of his wand.

"Yes, yes, thank you." Ginny smiled out to the crowd. "Now we are here today to begin an epic plot; one that will forever cement our place as students in this school, much like that Heckler kid who carved his name into the statue of the Humped Witch."

There were a scattering of chuckles at her joke.

"This, will be months in the making, but we will complete it!" She put her fist into the air, an action copied by others in the crowd. "We are the HPFC! We are Fanpeople! And we will make our mark! Whose with me?" Everyone stood up and cheered, clapping each other on the backs in the biggest show of interhouse unity shown since the schools founding.

Ginny smirked as she watched all the students intermingle, yes, it was going to be epic.

DDD

_Nov 25__th__, 1995_

(_Hermione's writing_) "Honey, I'm home~" I heard Hermione call as the door shut behind her.

"Hey honey," I greeted as I wiped my hands off onto my apron. I'd spent the day cleaning the house to be ready for her return home.

Hermione walked into the kitchen with a tired smile, and I tried not to scowl at the fact that she was trailing in mud on the clean floors. "Good to see you Ron," She said as she kissed me on the cheek. She sniffed the air, "Mmm, what's on?"

"Oh, just some stew," I waved off the backhanded compliment even though I wanted to blush.

"Sounds lovely," Hermione smiled. "You are such a nice house husband!"

(_Ron's Writing_) What the bloody hell?

I'm no house husband.

That's a woman's job.

Screw not having a job when I get older, I'm bloody working.

If only so that this doesn't happen.

(_Hermione's writing, small_) It worked!

_Ron Weasley_

_Nov 26__th__, 1995_

"You know Canada and America are very similar," A usually timid Hufflepuff third year told me. I think I've seen her following Harry before.

"Really?" I asked, though I wasn't all that curious. Just what was this 'Canadia' anyway?

"Yeah, we both have armies," She said as she looked up at me. "Except, Canada forgot to give them guns or anything," She sighed sadly while I tried not to snicker. "I mean, here comes the Canadian army with plastic knives and forks. Flee the village! Uh uh, I mean look at our flag, it's a leaf. Oh don't screw with Canada, we'll dry up and blow away!" The Hufflepuff just shook her head with a snort, "Canada should just attack another country... Oh man, no one would see that coming, greatest coo in military history. Lay low for two hundred and seventy-five years," She paused, "then attack Turkey. Just show up and say, 'Guess what, we're taking it! And we're calling it Chicken you morons! Turkey, what the hell type of name is that for a country? We're moving onto Chili next!'"

I stuffed my fist into my mouth to stop myself from laughing out loud. God, Canadia sounded funny.

"And the Americans would be all like: 'Canada has attacked the four major food groups, what will they do next? Attack Starbucks?'"

I woke up laughing, and then asked Hermione what Canadia was.

She proceeded to rant at me for not knowing what it was. But I do know that it's not Canadia, but Canadian and it's a colony of England... or something.

_Ron Weasley_

DDD

Abby Morgan was a shy girl, anyone who noticed her long enough could tell you that. She could usually be found hiding behind a large pile of books with only her brown hair showing any signs of a person being there. It was no surprise for the girl to be a Ravenclaw. However, it would surprise a great deal of people that the timid girl was in the HPFC.

Yes, young Miss Morgan had been a part of the original smattering of groups – being with two other reclusive Ravenclaws that she'd met one day behind a stack of texts – who had been rallied to become an official fan club. However, the fifth year girl wasn't entirely sure she approved of the new direction the club was going in. She didn't want to be noticed by everyone! She was fine with obscurity! But, being who she was, Abby didn't speak out. That is how she'd been forced into making the spell to react with the potion a Slytherin seventh year (whose name she'd forgotten to ask in sheer terror of the other) had made.

Although, as she peeked above her pile of reference texts to watch Harry Potter work diligently on an essay, she thought it might be worth it. After, he inspired her to speak out and become stronger. She'd seen the timid, small boy that first day on the platform and watched him flounder during his first week of classes. She'd also watched as he flourished from that small boy into a young man confident enough to speak his mind and help others when they need it.

So maybe it would turn out fine.

Just maybe.

DDD

Jordy sighed in annoyance as he listened to some vapid airhead talk about how 'cute' Harry Potter was. Does he look like a bloody fangirl? No, he doesn't. He rolled his eyes as they rambled on about the guys eyes and couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for the Gryffindor. He'd only joined the fan club initially because his friend was having trouble getting up the courage to go and join herself, being a Slytherin and all. And since he'd found the guy pretty cool, as the fights he managed to get into with Draco Malfoy all the time were pretty exciting, and so were the end of year explorations that he'd heard of. So he'd gone ahead and said he'd join as well.

While he disliked listening to the other girls proclaim that they were going to be the next "Mrs. Harry Potter" he definitely liked the new direction the club was going. How could he not? The pranks they pulled were getting him popularity in the common room where he once faced derision.

Honestly, he couldn't wait for their epic plan to commence.

DDD

Candace, who was better known as Candy, smiled at an older Hufflepuff. Though only a third year, she was happy to have been a vital part of the last prank. She loved that she was included! Especially since many witches and wizards had no idea where she came from. Canadia? What's this Canadia? She wanted to scream at them sometimes, but her mom raised her to be polite, so she'd just tell them quietly that Canada was a country. But that caused many people to forget she existed.

She beamed as another student patted her on the back for the song suggestion;, they still did it, even a week afterwards. Really, joining this club was the best thing that had ever happened to her, and soon it would be even better.

* * *

**A/N:**

So, why so much HPFC? Well, I felt like it. I wanted to explore more on their thoughts (even though the characters aren't mine, but you three readers!) and more on their future actions. So basically expect them to be on the DL for the next couple chapters while they PLOT EVIL! Not really though. And if you ask me what they're planning, I won't tell you. Not because I don't like you or because I want to be mean. Actually, it's because I have no idea... *crickets chirp in background* Yeah, kinda stupid. But I will figure out something epic! FTW!

And to those who are wondering just why the hell I went a put a Canadian joke in it, well I was watching funny Canadian comedians and that joke just made me laugh (actually all the ones poking fun at Canada's military made me laugh). So I put it in there; it's by Jeremy Hotz. Also, expect some Russel Peters and MadTV stuff appearing in the near future. And if you want to know where I got the joke, just look up _Canadian Jokes_ on YouTube and it should be the first option called "_Canadian Comedy 1_". You should do that anyway, it's hilarious.

(_I'm Canadian I should be allowed to make fun of my own country! Please down hate me! *ducks under table*_)

Lastly to **Winged-panther1** I will (hopefully) get to do your second idea next chapter. It will likely be a Disney themed chapter, so heads up.

A più tardi,

USMCcAnthem


	16. November 27th to December 3rd

_Disclaimer: I own nothing of Harry Potter or Disney. Anything made by me is for entertainment purposes only._

* * *

_Nov 27__th__, 1995_

"Boy," My uncle had said gruffly through his mustache. "We are sending you to army camp."

I wasn't entirely happy with the fact that I was going to _army _camp. How can I be in an army when I'm a part of the most disorganized people on earth? Have you seen the book shop? Or the library? Or even the bloody stairs at Hogwarts? It's amazing that we manage to get anything done.

I stood straight in front of my bed, twitching when the leader of the bunk noticed my invisibility cloak stick out from underneath my pillow.

"Lookie here boys," The boy who looked very much like Marcus Flint sneered. "We have ourselves a blankie. Does wittle 'Arry need himself a blankie?"

The baby talk made me twitch, "No sir."

"Good. So you won't mind me ripping it up then?" The boy suggested evilly. But I only smirked. You can't rip the cloak, or else it would've been ruined ages ago from the amount of times I've tripped over it.

But for the suggestion, that guy was going to get it.

I was going to rule this camp by the time I'm done with it.

And by Merlin I did it.

_Harry Potter_

_Nov 28__th__, 1995_

Whatever you do, don't fall down a hole.

Or follow a white rabbit.

Or drink an engorgement potion.

Or a shrinking solution.

And definitely don't try the cake.

Avoid walking cards.

And freaky grinning cats.

And catapillars.

Also, maybe it would be best you skip the tea.

Top hat wearing people are up to no good, so maybe you should shy away from them.

And, well, maybe queens are best left alone.

I'm sure that she can rule the place fine without any meeting with me.

Really.

Just avoid all that.

And maybe what happened to me,

Won't happen to you.

_Harry Potter_

_PS. I look horrible in a blue dress._

_Nov 29__th__, 1995_

I stared at the hyenas in front of me, "I will become king."

"Of course, of course!" The two nodded furiously with Ron and Hermione's voice.

"…How?" Ron asked clueless as he tilted his hyena head.

"By killing Mufasa obviously," I drawled the last bit out.

Both of the hyenas laughed nervously. "Are you sure Harry?" Hermione asked as she pranced about the cave.

"Don't question me!" I thundered, and watched in amusement as they shied away from me. "Yes, we will, won't we Simba?"

"Simba?" The two Hyenas chorused.

"You'll never be able to do it!" Simba, a lion cub, cried in a voice eerily similar to Voldemort. "I'll be king, just you watch!"

I laughed deeply before smirking, "I'd like to see you try."

"I will Scar!" The VoldeSimba yelled before trying to run away.

"Get him," I told the Hyenas lazily. I had no need to worry, for VoldeSimba wasn't truly there. He was just some of that monkey's mumbo jumbo. After all, Mufasa was already dead. However, he did like to put on a show and the Hyenas were daft away…

I don't know where that came from.

Maybe being in the house of Lions has screwed me up a bit.

Besides if that was true, I would so be the little lion cub.

Can you not see that thing winning?

_Harry Potter_

_Nov 30__th__, 1995_

"Now I'm the king of the swingers

Oh, the jungle VIP

I've reached the top and had to stop

And that's what botherin' me

I wanna be a man, mancub

And stroll right into town

And be just like the other men

I'm tired of monkeyin' around!" A monkey danced as he jumped around me. I laughed and clapped, wearing nothing but a loin cloth. I had been hanging out with a bear and a panther before I found this monkey who was quite good a singing.

"Oh, oobee doo

I wanna be like you

I wanna walk like you

Talk like you, too

You'll see it's true

An ape like me

Can learn to be humen too!" I danced to the beat, and ran the stone covered the floor. This guy was pretty awesome! I should totally get myself a monkey dude as a friend and then we could sing this all the time!

Of course, then the monkeys head turned into Voldemort and sang some more about getting fire and such. And then I was rescued by the bear (horribly I might add), who turned out to be Ron. Then the panther, who was a male sounding Hermione (yes, I am a bit disturbed) came up and started leading me away.

Then of course we ran like hell.

But now I can't get the bloody song out of my head.

Freaking Voldemort!

_Harry Potter_

_Dec 1__st__, 1995_

"Hey there!" I said in an American accent. "My names Th-thumper!" I twitched my foot against the ground in imitation of my name.

The big eyes of the deer stared at me inquisitively. It blinked as I rubbed the back of my head.

"Not a big talker huh?" I continued in the weird accent and rubbed the back of my furry head with a paw. "Well, that's okay 'cause I can talk for you!"

The deer blinked and rubbed its nose against my cheek.

"Gack! What was that for? You don't go doing that!" I tried to rub the wetness off my cheek, and I could swear the damn deer was laughing at me.

Bloody deer.

Oh well, Lions would eat them anyway.

I should try to make my dream from two day ago meld with this one.

And then, and then the deer would pay!

_Harry Potter_

_Dec 2__nd__, 1995_

Elephants playing the trumpet with their trunks.

Pink.

They walked.

They multiplied.

Cymbal crash.

Parade, parade.

EXPLODE!

Look out, look out!

Pink elephants on parade.

Here they come!

Hippity Hoppity!

_Harry Potter_

_Dec 3__rd__, 1995_

"Hello?" Cho called as she entered my house.

She looked exactly as she did years ago. But she died, killing herself with a poisoned drink. And I was left here, stuck in time with only the ghosts and my house keeper as company.

"We should just leave," The man who pretended to be my beloved's husband said obnoxiously. _Michael Corner, _the words made my mouth fill with bile. Oh, that man would rue the day he thought he could own my love.

"Oh come on dad," The child, who looked startlingly like Collin Creevey whined. "Where's your sense of adventure?"

"Yeah dad," The second child who was a sassy looking thing and I could help but be reminded of Ginny Weasley without the freckles and with black hair.

"I'm pretty sure I left it in the car," Michael said. "We should go check!"

"Come now," Dumbledore said as he walked into the grand entrance way. "I'm sure you don't want to do that. You've only just arrived."

Heh, by the end of the night, Cho would be mine.

_Harry Potter_

* * *

**A/N:**

_*Sirens blare and lights flash* _**Warning, Warning! All updates will now take place weekly instead of every three days! Warning, Warning! **_*Sirens blare once more before shutting off and lights stop flashing*_

Yes, as of now I no longer have the same amount of free time. I have a job! And finals... But because of this I will no longer have the same amount of time to write as I did before, but I will continue to update it every seven days. Sorry about this, but it must be done. I had to write this really quick as I almost wasn't able to get this up!

Oh, and just incase you were unable to recognize what each diary entry was, here you go:

Nov 27: Cadet Kelly

Nov 28: Alice in Wonderland (animated version)

Nov 29: Lion King (which I think was horrible... the entry, not the movie)

Nov 30: Jungle Book (but that was pretty obvious)

Dec 1: Bambi

Dec 2: Dumbo (I did my favourite song as a birthday present for myself XD)

Dec 3: Haunted Mansion


	17. December 4th to 6th

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Doctor Who or the awesomeness of bowties._

* * *

_Dec 4__th__, 1995_

A man with a rather plain face and brown hair ran through the halls as though he was being chased by one of those aliens that Dudley liked to shoot. I didn't really notice much about him except for the fact that he seemed rather calm for someone running as though they were about to die and that he was wearing a bowtie.

"Wha'? Who're you?" I asked when he used me as a shield for an invisible opponent. The man pointed a weird looking screwdriver at the air before he calmed down.

"Oh me?" He asked with a rather quirky air, not appearing out of breath at all. "I'm the Doctor."

"Doctor who?" I asked, but the man seemed rather amused with my question.

"It's just the Doctor," He told me before his screwdriver began to beep. "Well, as nice as this conversation was, I must be going. Ta ta."

Then the quirky man dashed off and I woke up feeling as though it actually happened.

Doctor who, indeed.

_Harry Potter_

_Dec 5__th__, 1995_

My thoughts vanished as her lips touched mine for a second time, but I jolted back when a loud voice asked, "YO HARRY! DID YOU FINALLY ASK HER OUT BRO?"

"Ron," I muttered as a dark look passed over my face, a looked mirrored by the girl I had been kissing.

"He's dead," She said simply as she carefully placed the tiny dragon I had given her onto the desk. She then turned to me and held out a hand, "Would you like to join me in murdering your best friend?"

"Yes," I said with a nod, and smiled slightly at the feel of her soft hand against mine.

"So it worked," Ron said cheerily as he watched us walk down the stairs hand in hand with each other. "It only took five and a half years with some help from me!" He smiled at us before his expression turned confused. "Guys, what's with the looks? Guys?"

"I'm going to enjoy this," I said as I kissed my new girlfriend on the cheek before turning to teach Ron a lesson he'd rather not have learned.

_Harry Potter_

_Dec 6__th__, 1995_

In a dusty and obviously unused corridor four portraits hung on the wall. They, like the corridor were not tended for, but still shone with the radiant colours that I was sure they had been painted in. Cautiously walking closer I studied the four. In the one on the far left a noble man sat in a regal straight backed chair. His nose was long and straight, his eyes were closed and slanted over them was straight black eyebrows that matched his long, straight black hair. He seemed quite haughty, even in sleep. The woman beside him was the opposite of haughty. Even through her portrait she seemed to leak a kindness and good cheer that was usually found in the best of mothers. She was nicely round and had gorgeous golden hair that descended in curls that haloed her face. Unlike the man, she sat in a comfortable arm chair near a cheery hearth. Beside her, another man slept. He held the same noble air around him as the first man, but he also held an aura of raw power that could not be dismissed in a painting. His long curly red hair was spread everywhere as he slept in the same setting as the kind woman, though he had a sword beside him that had glistening rubies at the hilt. The last painting held a regal woman who looked immensely gorgeous and extremely intelligent. Long chestnut hair was pulled back into an intricate braid that was laid over her shoulder. She had long lashes that framed calculating blue eyes and she was sitting in a straight backed chair in what seemed to be a library.

I stared at them for a moment, but I realized that one portrait was different from the rest.

I swiftly faced the last portrait with the woman in the straight backed chair and she smiled at me.

"Hello, Harry Potter."

…If that wasn't the founders, I will give all my money to the Malfoys.

I do wonder if their portraits do hang in an unused corridor somewhere in the school.

I hope to find them if they do.

_Harry Potter_

DDD

"You know what I need?" Harry asked his two friends as he relaxed back into his arm chair. He'd already finished his homework for the night and had been sitting in thought for the past twenty minutes before he had spoken up.

Hermione looked up from her book with an inquisitive expression, "What?"

Ron had also paused in his one sided chess match to watch his two friends.

"A bowtie," Harry said with a satisfied grin.

Hermione's face was the picture of disbelief, "A bowtie?"

Harry nodded with a happy gleam in his eye. "Of course! What girl can resist _the bowtie_?" He asked in a pseudo-suave voice before answering his own question, "None, that's what."

"No," Hermione said simply before she turned back to her book and Ron snorted before he stopped listening to their conversation.

"What? Why not?" Harry whined as he looked pleadingly at his best friend.

"Because," She answered absently. Harry opened his mouth to plead once more, but she beat him to the punch, "No."

And again, "No."

And once more, "No."

Harry huffed as he crossed his arms over his chest, "I still think it would work."

"I don't care," Hermione told him. "The answers still no."

And Harry, sadly, had a bowtie free day.


	18. December 7th to 10th

_Disclaimer: Bunny's are evil. They steal my rights to everything! Including Harry Potter... Okay, so maybe I never owned that, but still... It has nothing to do with the fact that I'm allergic to them. Really._

* * *

Luna hummed under her breath as she skipped into the room of requirement. It was just another meeting of the DA and everybody was sitting about, chatting with each other waiting for the meeting to start. However, Luna had something she wanted to share with everybody. And surprisingly, everybody was listening

"I was reading an article about Blubbering Humdingers when something caught my eye," The dreamy blonde said in her normal ditzy air. "It was another article that daddy had posted by another man, who obviously had many Seliwigs about him, that talked about chess. The man had done a study that showed that winning a game of chess against a person who always wins means you're a genius." The blonde then paused, putting a finger on her chin before muttering under her breath, "Or was it the other way around?"

Nobody heard her last statement as people began to whisper excitedly with another about what they had just heard.

The glint of pure evil in Ginny's eyes was ignored by all.

DDD

_Dec 7__th__, 1995_

Bunny rabbits are terrifying creatures.

I had dream about one.

It was an albino rabbit, white with pink eyes.

It was so cute and adorable and fuzzy.

But then it chuckled.

_Chuckled._

It opened its cute little mouth wide to show massive fangs.

And then with a malicious look in its eye, it attacked.

I never knew that rabbits were proficient in Kung Fu.

I swear that I can feel the fangs entering my neck even hours later.

_Harry Potter_

DDD

"Yo Jordy!" Ginny called to the Slytherin boy who looked to be impossibly while some girls giggled around him. The boy looked up to see the redheaded girl waving him over frantically.

"What?" He asked shortly a few minutes later, having successfully removed himself from the fangirls. The sad thing was that they weren't even _his _fangirls.

"I have the greatest idea for a new prank," She said while rubbing her hands together gleefully.

Jordy looked at her sceptically before he nodded his acceptance to help with the prank. "So what is it?"

DDD

_December 8__th__, 1995_

I've always wondered why there aren't blue vegetables.

What's wrong with blue?

Are vegetables anti-Ravenclaw?

Well I had a dream that I was grocery shopping, and the produce aisle was _huge. _I was looking for some beans, and then I found them.

Blue long beans.

As in electric _blue._

I bought them, because, why not?

Of course I still had much more to buy so I continued on with my shopping when I found other blue vegetables.

Yams.

Cucumbers.

Potatoes.

Lettuce.

It was all blue.

I think kids would eat their vegetables more often if they were blue.

'Cause they're cool like that.

_Harry Potter_

DDD

Ginny smiled at Hermione as she sat down on the older girls' bed. "So what do you think of Luna's article?"

"A load of rubbish like everything else in her father's paper," The brunette teen said derisively.

"I don't think it is," Ginny said lightly as she swung her legs back and forth. "I read it, and it seems true."

"Really?" Hermione asked as she tugged a brush harshly through her hair. Her expression turned thoughtful as she pondered over what Luna had said earlier that day, forgetting about the brush that was now stuck in her hair. "Well, maybe I should try it out then. But who is good at chess besides Ron? I don't want to beat him right away, friends rights and all."

Ginny sniggered slightly, but covered it with a cough when Hermione looked at her. "Well, I've heard that Malfoy was the undefeated king of chess in Slytherin."

"Huh," Hermione said wonderingly. "I wouldn't have expected that."

"Same here," Ginny said, bowing her head so that her hair could cover the smirk that had spread across her face. "Same here," She repeated softly as she resisted the urge to cackle.

DDD

_December 9__th__, 1995_

"You're a wizard, Harry," Hagrid told me and I beamed.

"He'll not be going!" Uncle Vernon bellowed, and I expected this dream to run like my memory.

Of course Hagrid then said something that surprised everybody.

"Alright," He said and stood up with a groan, bending over slightly to stop his head from hitting the ceiling. "I must be off then. See sometime Harry."

"I," I started staring wide eyed at the half giant as he walked out of my life. And then I started to swear viciously.

I decided not to look at my Uncle, for the look of glee in his beady eyes would've given me nightmares for months.

_Harry Potter_

DDD

"Hey Malfoy," Jordy said with a smirk as he walked confidently into the common room.

"What is it?" The blond spat as he looked down his nose at the younger boy. "Have you gotten bored playing with all the little girls?"

Jordy had to stop himself from punching the git in the face, instead his smirk grew wider. "Oh nothing much, I just heard something interesting is all." Jordy's smirk was now vicious as he stared down the older boy. He knew the other boy well enough that his need to know would outweigh Malfoy's annoyance for himself.

Sure enough, Malfoy's eyes narrowed as he stared him down. "What is it you heard?" The blond asked in a disinterested tone, but everyone listening knew the opposite.

"Well," Jordy drew out the word, enjoying taunting Malfoy as much as he could get away with. "It seems that Miss Granger has her mind set on beating you in a chess match ever since she found out that you are unbeatable at the game." Jordy didn't mention a great number of things in his explaination, like why Malfoy won all his games in the first place. "She thinks that if she beats you she will prove her immeasurable genius."

"Like that Mudblood is anything compared to me," The blond ponce sneered. "She'll rue the day she thought she could best me."

Jordy then nodded and walked away, using the shadows in the common room to mask the delighted smile that had bloomed across his face.

DDD

_December 10__th__, 1995_

Cho smiled prettily at me as we walked in the snow.

Her warm hand clasped mine.

I intertwined my fingers with hers.

My breath puffed out in white clouds as the temperature dropped, but I ignored it for my sweetheart.

Soon her hand grew cold in mine.

I turned to her, but I found nothing but a black husk in her place.

I tried to drop the hand I held, but its grasp grew stronger.

My movements grew sluggish as my joints began to seize up in the cold.

I wanted to shout, to run, but I couldn't.

Before I woke up, I heard the most chilling voice say, "You are mine… Harry Potter."

_Harry Potter_

DDD

"I'll win," Hermione said cockily as she walked up to the Ravenclaw table, which had been declared neutral territory when a number of people heard about the game between two rival houses.

"Ha, you wish Granger," Malfoy said with a sneer as he looked down his pointed nose at her.

All Hermione did was sit down and wave toward the game.

And thus, the chess match between Malfoy and Granger begun.

And it was just another day with the Harry Potter Fan Club running the scene.

* * *

**A/N:**

I've learned while writing this that bunnies are evil and there should be blue vegetables. But I digress.

And the plot thickens! Alas, I've left you with a bit of a cliffy, but you should be fine.

Also many thanks to** Winged-panther1**, you... are amazing. Without you, this wouldn't be half as funny as it is. So, thank you. I owe you a cookie or two.

'Til next time,

USMCcAnthem


	19. December 11th to 14th

_Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter._

* * *

"Begin," Abby Morgan, a shy Ravenclaw said as the game of minds began between Granger and Malfoy.

"Pawn to…" Malfoy began, having taken the white pieces after a coin flip.

Hermione was quick with her move. It continued on for about five minutes before Hermione announced smugly, "Check mate."

Malfoy was left to sulk alone while Hermione walked back to the group of cheering Gryffindors.

Jordy and Abby were soon the only ones left near the chessboard, so no one heard when Jordy said, "I probably should've mentioned that Malfoy only wins because people are afraid of his father."

"Probably," Abby said as she collected the chess pieces back up.

But no one heard them, so it didn't matter.

DDD

_Dec 11__th__, 1995_

I felt my legs move stiffly. It was an odd feeling and I was completely confused.

"Why yes Draco, I would like to go out with you," A voice said in a pseudo deep voice.

"Good," The same voice said, except it was a bit nasally.

I felt myself move again to face a Lego doll that looked suspiciously like Malfoy. _'Oh damn it!' _I thought as the voice then said in a high pitched girly tone, "And now you two kiss!"

…I've never been all that fond of Lego.

And now I know why.

On another note: girls are really creepy.

_Harry Potter_

DDD

"Begin," Abby motioned again, starting the match between Ron and Hermione. So far Hermione had managed to beat the Hufflepuff champion (who was a wimp anyway, so really didn't count) and Malfoy, and had decided that she should try to best Ron before going head to head against one of the Ravenclaws. It was going to be an interesting match.

"Pawn to…" Hermione started, staring at the board intensely.

Ron sighed, having been dragged away from reading his Quidditch magazine to play a game. "Knight to…" He began disinterestedly, barely even sparing the board a glance.

DDD

_Dec 12__th__, 1995_

The hallway was dusty, as if it hadn't been entered in a while. I moved through it quickly, walking towards the door. It taunted me, telling me to open it.

I reached out a ghostly hand, but was stopped from opening it as I was jolted awake.

Just what is behind that door?

_Harry Potter_

DDD

"No!" Hermione cried when Ron said the final words. "I didn't lose to you! I didn't!" She tugged wildly at her bushy hair as she stared at the board in disbelief.

"I'm sorry Hermione," Ginny said with a comforting hand on her shoulder. "But he did."

"No!" Hermione cried, burying her head into her hands as she started to sob. Obviously the pressure of the five minute game had gotten to her.

Ron was just flipping through his magazine as he put away his pieces lazily.

"Didn't Ginny say that his pieces had been passed along through the family for centuries?" Jordy asked Candace as he stood away from the now muttering crowd. Many of the whispers were questioning the supposed genius of Hermione Granger.

"Yeah, that's what I heard," The Canadian Hufflepuff said as she stared up at the boy.

"But don't chess pieces become sentient after a while? Isn't that why people buy new ones?" Jordy asked as he heard one girl wonder if Hermione was actually taking the lime light from the Weasley boy.

"Well," Abby said quietly as she came up to the pair. "At least I now know why the pieces would move to different spots then what Weasley had called out."

DDD

_Dec 13__th__, 1995_

My name is Hadrian.

And I pwn Hogwarts like a baws.

Fo sho.

Do you see that?

Yeah, that girl just fainted 'cause I winked at her.

Be jealous.

WHAM!

I totally just aced the levitation charm.

I know, I'm amazing…

… I was bloody well channelling Michael Corner in my sleep.

I can still feel the cockiness radiating from my brain.

Get it out!

GET IT OUT!

_Harry Potter_

DDD

Hermione Granger had been slowly becoming insane. Her hair was in constant disarray, clothes untucked and book bag overflowing. Harry had been very much reminded of their third year every time he saw her. He was also remembered the time when Ron ran naked through the school that one time, but he wasn't sure as to why he would think that.

"Hermione," Ron asked one day. The red head had been oblivious to Hermione's change in mental health, and thus led to the point of her break down. "Can you do my Charms homework for me?" Harry watched nervously as Hermione twitched dangerously and motioned for Ron to stop talking. However, the other boy was a bit dense, and missed the signal as he added, "I want to play some chess against Seamus."

At the word chess the world exploded. Or well, Hermione got up from her seat and said in a deadly calm tone, "You have ten seconds to run Ronald Billius Weasley before I kill you." Then she proceeded to pick up her wand and stroke it lovingly. Harry and the rest inched away from her as they sat eating in the Great Hall. Insane Hermione wasn't something they wanted to get involved in.

"One," Hermione started, but Ron had already launched up from his seat and was bolting to the Slytherin table when he realized just how serious she was. "Ten," She said maliciously as a smile that would make Bellatrix Lestrange jealous spread across her face as she chased the boy around the Great Hall.

DDD

_Dec 14__th__, 1995_

4550.

4030.

4065.

4090.

94135.

72221.

64747.

4174.

Numbers.

They are ingrained in my mind.

They won't go away.

Make them stop!

PLEASE!

_Harry Potter_

DDD

"_Arresto Momentum!_" Hermione cried with a flourish of her wand, only for it to turn into a rubber chicken. She paused in her pursuit of Ron for a moment, just as the food turned from dinner to dessert. Ron had paused as well, and was slowly walking towards her with his hands held out to mean he meant no harm.

"Hermes?" He asked timidly, which would be amusing considering he had about a foot on the girl, but wasn't because said girl had a smile on her face that was one chilling.

"Run Weasley, run," She said as she began chasing after the boy with the rubber chicken in her hand, making sure to wallop Fred and George when she rushed past them. The comical aspect was not lost on the rest of the Great Hall as they all burst into laughter at the scene.

Of course, matters were made worse when Hermione decided to use pies.

Yes, pies. You see, her mental break down happened to be during pie day at Hogwarts…

… Yes, Dumbledore did declare a day in December as pie day.

Anyway, Hermione then tried to nail Ron with a lemon meringue pie… well, let's just say that there is a reason beyond the fact that Hermione is terrified of heights as to why she's not a chaser. She threw pie after pie at the red head, but none hit their target. They did manage to hit something through.

For the eight pies she threw, all hit their unintended targets: Dumbledore, Harry, Neville, Luna, George, Collin, Fred, and Umbridge. Dumbledore charmed the pie to turn different colours. Harry took it as an act of war and pelted a pie at Malfoy, begin a food fight between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Neville just slumped in his seat before hiding under the table. Luna smiled and ate the delicious pie while humming. The twins laughed before helping turn the tide for Gryffindor in the food fight by adding some pranks to the mix. And Collin, well, he just whipped out his camera and started taking pictures of the fight.

Umbridge was quite furious about the whole thing, but with her short stature and lack of magical ability, she could do nothing about it.

Through it all, if one were to play attention long enough to the ditzy blonde who had been humming, they would've heard, "I wonder how Mr. Fritz is doing in St. Mungo's hospital ward. I do hope he's okay, he did a wonderful job on the chess article. Oh, Snargles!"

But of course, everyone was too busy throwing pies for it to be of any consequence.

And there would never be pie day at Hogwarts forever more.

* * *

**A/N:**

Wah! Happy Holidays Everyone! I hope that you all have a nice one!

Sorry for the late update but I've been pushed to the grindstone at work because of the holidays (I would've been at work now too, but I put my foot down and said "Hellz to the no" because I wanted to actually be able to sleep, even if the promise of more money was tempting). This was very much rushed so I apologize for any mistakes, and if you find any to let me know so that I go back and edit it for you all.

And if you know what the numbers are for Dec 14th then you should know where I work (or at least a general idea)!

I hope you enjoy this, think of it as a last minute Christmas gift or a stocking stuffer!

USMCcAnthem


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